Stepping On Cheerios

Birthdays

2012-01-29T08:39:00.001-05:00

Last Tuesday was my birthday. On Saturday prior, I got to celebrate with my family and the boys at a very nice dinner out:) On my actual birthday I went to work as usual. I decided as I was driving in at 6:45 AM that next year I am totally taking a vacation day. Next year, I will be getting a full on spa manicure and pedicure and go shopping for new shoes or something else ridiculously frivolous and excessive. I did enjoy a fun lunch with my co-workers and friends from the office:) That night, we got a babysitter and Hubs and I went out for a special birthday dinner to a local Japanese Steak House. It was so fun! I sipped Kir Royale and ordered the Terriaki Chicken & Shrimp. Delicious!

Yummy

I was pleasantly surprised at the end of dinner when they brought me cake and sang happy birthday to me:) I also got to wear a totally hilarious birthday balloon crown, don't laugh;)

Happy 36th to me!

Maybe it's what everyone does...but around the time of my birthday I spend a lot of time thinking about my life and where I am and who I am. I've decide that for the first time in years I feel truly comfortable in my own skin...I could still lose 20 pounds but I'm not in a hurry. Life is good. Life is great! Hubs and I are really in sync, the boys are growing like weeds and doing well in school. There's the slightest hope on the horizon that a 3rd baby could be a possibility but I'm preparing mentally that it might not happen and I'm so thankful for my sons.

New Lense Canon 50mm Compact-Macro f2.5

2012-01-25T20:52:00.002-05:00

Trying a new lense. Can't wait to use this on people, but tonight this is the best I could do. I need the Macro for wedding shots and I also need to send my 85mm out for repair as I think it's not functioning properly.

Birthday Bouquet from my boys yesterday! 1/100th f3.2 ISO 2500 Canon 7D

Monday Blues

2012-01-23T08:27:00.002-05:00

I hate Mondays, as I imagine most people do. Actually I hate Tuesdays more because I'm actually off on Mondays and Tuesday is my first day back to work for the week.

It's rare that I ever get a Monday "off". There are so many school holidays, teacher workdays, etc. When everyone else is at home or work there are errands and appointments for me or the dog or whatever. Today the kids actually have a 2 hour delay (apparently there was some ice..somewhere?!?). So as I write this and sip coffee the sounds of Super Mario Galaxy can be heard in the background as Puck and Muffin chatter back and forth about the best way to play the game. It's amazing to hear their conversations with each other, especially when they are getting along!

Tomorrow I turn 36. Wow, 36 years old... In my mind I feel exactly the same way I felt when I was 17, I just don't look like it from the outside, LOL! Hubs and I get to go on a birthday date since we celebrated with the kids this past weekend.

I MUST get back to the gym this week. I have not been able to break the 150lbs mark. I will do it, right after my birthday....hehehehhe:)

Have a great week!!

PS: Does anyone know why my old pictures in the blog are not viewable and I can only see a black triangle with an exclamation point?????

Sunday Snapshots {Flurries}

2012-01-22T13:11:00.000-05:00

That toothless smile...love him!

Getting so big. My little man:)

Muffin - Updated Photo

2012-01-16T17:02:00.002-05:00

Some of you may be wondering about Muffin. I've mentioned how far he has come. We lost the curls this year, something I'll always miss but we actually felt like he was hiding behind his hair. He is not a fan of pictures but I was able to persuade him to still for just one "decent" shot.

Canon 7D 1/100th f3.5 ISO 640 - Edited in LR, & PS CS4

Scavenger Hunt Sunday

2012-01-16T14:36:00.000-05:00

#1 Stacked Up

Seems there are always stacks of laundry around here...

#2 Winter Wonderland

It doesn't look wintery but it sure is cold....rare since we seem to be having an Indian Summer.

#3 Sweet

Made these yesterday to share with a neighbor that just had her 2nd baby:)

#4 Hole

The little hole that gets punched in my K-Cup each morning:)

Frozen

My youngest son basically lives off frozen pancakes and waffles.

I threw these together today as a way to force myself to pick my camera back up. I've been a bit burnt out after a super busy Fall. More to come, I hope. Here's to a fresh perspective.

Friday Night Leftovers

2012-01-15T08:48:00.003-05:00

I just can't seem to get this done on time but at least I'm blogging again, which in and of it self is a miracle.

Earlier in the week I had the worst day at work I have ever had. I blew a big sales presentation in front of my boss and he was very mad and disappointed at me. I was humiliated. I cried and cried and cried. I wanted to go home and crawl into bed and never come out. I sell this program all the time and have a great track record as far as closing clients but my nerves just took over and I couldn't control them. It took about 2 days but I picked myself up out of the mud and for that I'm proud. It made for a very long week. I'm glad we are in the middle of a 3 day weekend right now. Even though I wish the kids had school on Monday.

Hubs seems to be back tracking on this baby thing. He has lots of rational reasons for not wanting another baby. The usual, money, time, and attention for our other kids, etc. I don't know how to explain what it's like to be a woman and how that wanting feels. For me it's like a power from somewhere else. I just know I'm supposed to do this one more time....He said the door isn't completely shut but he has to want this too or it will never work. He'll just be resentful later. I'm trying to be happy and thankful for the kids I do have, and I am. I just know that I will regret later in life if there is never a 3rd. It's not completely about having a girl although I would LOVE to have a daughter. I just don't know if it's going to happen.

Muffin is going to Kindergarten in the Fall. I just can't believe it. Amazing... I'm planning his 5th birthday party which is just under a month away!!!

Finally got some enlargements of the boys hung up on the wall. They look great and make for the beginnings of a decent family photo wall. I'll try and snap a shot of them later to share.

Yesterday, while the Hubs was out with his guy friends watching football I cleaned our bedroom. It was so nice to go to sleep with out laundry baskets and crap strewn all over. I think I actually slept better because of it. Today I plan to tackle the bathroom:)

Go snack on some more leftovers with Danifred!

Ouch! {Friday Night Leftovers on Sunday Edition}

2012-01-08T08:38:00.004-05:00

OMG. Every inch of my body hurts this morning. I'm not sure if it was the Vinyasa class yesterday morning or the Just Dance 3 party that took place in our family room last night. I crushed the hubs, by the way with a score of over 10,000 to his 6000:) Where is the advil?

It's such a shame that we have to work. We have so much fun when were at home together. I'm way less grouchy and I get so much done! The laundry room is almost completely empty and if I get to the bottom of the baskets I will take a picture to prove it.

I joined the gym back in November and I am loving it. I don't recall ever enjoying a workout so much in my life. Maybe it's because I'm middle aged and I know if I want to look good and feel good it's a necessity, who knows. I think it's because there is a daycare there to drop off the kiddos. They love it, the wild free play and chaos. So they get to burn energy while I burn calories. I can relax knowing they are close by AND you can watch them on the TV's of the equipment if you want.

Our new leather ottoman is here and we love it. Except now everything else in the room looks crappy. Huh, don't you hate when that happens.? Amazingly Hubs suggested new rug and leather couches (not right away but the fact that he even thought it is a good sign).

I am no longer worried about my Muffin. He has come so far I am in complete amazement. I feel confident that he will be ready for Kindergarten in the Fall. Oh what a feeling! He says the funniest things and has the memory of an elephant. These days his favorite thing to say is, "Why are you mad?" He says it all the time. He knows now that we're tired of saying, "I'm not mad." So he says, "I'm just joking", and laughs the sweetest laugh. He's wearing a variety of other clothes even, no more Wall-e or Mario shirts daily! What progress:)

Please go sample some of the other leftovers over at Danifred's place!

The Grind

2012-01-03T07:44:00.001-05:00

So I'm back. Sitting at my freezing desk and missing the chaos of morning in my kitchen. At least there is a coffee machine here.I miss the boys and hope their first day back to school is filled with excitement to see friends again and return to their routine.I need to find a way to hold onto that relaxed, calm, vacay feeling and keep it all year through. January brings 2 positive thoughts; my birthday and only 5 more months until we can return to the beach!- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Bring on 2012!

2011-12-31T09:30:00.002-05:00

I am so ready and excited for a new year like never before. Life is good and it's only going to get better. I hope I can keep this level of optimism up the whole year through....

My goals are simple...

Stay Fit - I'm proud to say I've been hitting the gym regularly since before Thanksgiving!

Loose 15 more pounds.

Spend more quiet time with the boys when I put them to bed, make more time for reading MORE books and snuggling a little longer. I know that in the blink of an eye they will be all grown up.

Incorporate my photo business.

Keep up with the laundry.

Get rid of the junk drawer, permanantly.

Save money.

Spend time on my marriage. More date nights for Hubs and me:)

Get pregnant! (Maybe, I REALLY want one more baby and I feel like this is the make or break year.) If I can't get Hubs on board then....I can't even think about that. I think he is coming around.

Happy New Year to all!

The Best Time

2011-12-30T09:18:00.000-05:00

I'm trying not to think about how few days are left of my vacation. I am one of the lucky few that is off from Christmas to New Years Day, every year. My office completely shuts down and I love it! So many of my friends and relatives had to go back the day after Christmas and I think that is such a shame. The countdown to Christmas can be so crazy that I can't see how you could enjoy it if you didn't get this quiet family time afterward.

We've been busy cleaning out the garage, kitchen drawers and cabinets with plenty of time left over to watch movies together and just be still. I feel like our family has bonded this Christmas in an extra special way and it makes me so happy.

I'm so looking forward to 2012 in a way I've never been before. I'm ready, bring it on!!!

I can't believe...

2011-12-28T09:14:00.001-05:00

it's over! All the prepping and decorating and shopping; and the baking and the wrapping and more shopping! How time flies when you're having fun.

We spent a wonderful Christmas Eve with family here in our home watching our favorite Christmas movies. This year we added Christmas with the Kranks along with our standard NL's Christmas Vacation! Take out Chinese and enough snacks, apps, and wine to feed an army. We sat by the fire and laughed and ate and snuggled.

In record time Santa came and went. It helped that Mrs. Claus had all the wrapping done ahead of time;)

Puck kept asking and asking for Elf on the Shelf and couldn't undertstand why everyone seemed to have one but him, so 3 days before Christmas I caved and brought one home while he slept. I left the box open in front of our Advent calendar since that's the first place he goes every morning. We hid the elf so it looked like he had climbed out of the box himself.

I had to leave for work early the next morning so I didn't get to see the excitement unfold but Hubs said Puck blasted into our room with the empty box yelling that the elf had come and was hiding somewhere in the house and he couldn't find him!!! He was eventually found in our tree. Puck phoned me at work to tell me the news and the excitement in his voice almost made me cry. He was so full of joy and it made me joyful:)

So for 3 days we enjoyed Ralphie, the elf. Hubs relented that I was right and it WAS worth it.

We had a great Christmas and I'm happy to say that life in my world is joyful and I'm so thankful for everything I have and all the people that are in it.

I'm looking forward to a new year with new possibilities.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to all!!!

Happy Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T08:11:00.001-05:00

I'm thankful for my family first.

Then I'm thankful that as I grow older each year I become more aware of who I am, what I want, and where I'm going. I feel comfortable in my own skin. I learn new things everyday and regularly leave my comfort zone.

Cheers this Thanksgiving to all the wonderful woman and mothers out there!

It's been so long, I forgot my password

2011-11-13T07:52:00.001-05:00

It's been so long since I blogged that when I tried to log in this morning to comment on a few of my favorite blogs, I couldn't remember my password and had to reset it!

I haven't been blogging for a while now. Not sure why I fell out of it, for a while I felt like I just didn't have anything to say. As I type right now and ramble on about nothing it feels good to be back at the keyboard.

To catch you up, in case anyone is still reading this:

Puck just turned 7 years old! I can hardly believe it. We did the usual party and presents. This year it was bowling and the kids had a blast.

5 mos and 7 years!

My handsome future heartbreaker.

Muffin is improving all the time and is doing well in his Jr. Kindergarten class and still having speech once a week.

Brothers

I have lost 14 to 15 pounds and I am returning to Yoga on Monday. I also stopped going to yoga, not sure why but I hope I can get back to a regular routine.

Hope you are all well and hope to catch up soon!

Baby Clothes

2011-10-08T08:40:00.002-04:00

I've just about cleared out my house of all the baby stuff...except the clothes. I don't know why but I can't even think about parting with all those onesies, socks, and PJ's. That cute little Christmas outfit, the adorable fuzzy zip up with the little bear ears on the hood. I must have 12 plastic storage tubs full of everything baby boy from newborn on up. They take up half my storage closet in the attic.

Truth be told I would love just one more baby but I just don't think that's in the cards for us. A shot at a little sister for Puck and Muffin is really tempting but I still wouldn't be able use all those boy clothes. We are practical people and practically speaking I guess it's not a good idea. Money, house, daycare, jobs, age, etc... It's sad to think that my body is done doing the most amazing thing it can do, grow a human.

A friend just found out she is pregnant so that gives my 9 months to work up the strength to give her all my sweet cotton memories of my babies. I hate that all those clothes are going to waste and I really do want someone to be able to use them.

There is just something about those teeny tiny baby-powdered smelling soft little outfits...

Plain

2011-09-26T20:38:00.001-04:00

I was out today unusually window shopping. My first stop, DSW. Not to look for some cute flats to wear out on the town, nope. I was looking for a pair of totally comfortable and completely practical for my day to day school photography job. Did they have my size? Nope. I didn't even browse the shelves for a suitable replacement. I just left, dejected and disappointed, destined to order online and overpay for shipping.

Before heading back to my car I thought I would stop in at Home Goods. You know, maybe to replace that bath rug that is almost in shreds, one more wash and it may just disintegrate in the dryer. I wandered around for 20 minutes looking at all the stuff. Such beautiful things for every room in your house! Your house, not my house. I picked up a couple of things only to set them down again thinking, I don't need that or that doesn't go with anything in my house I already have, etc. I find shopping in stores like that to be quite overwhelming. Again, I left empty handed which is fine because I really didn't have any free money to spend.

As I was walking to my car I spotted a gorgeous woman walking into the DSW. I'm fairly certain she wasn't looking for practical shoes, and then at the same time this word hit me right in the face.

PLAIN

I'm plain. Dull. Colorless. Drab. I looked down at my old jeans that were just small enough to be too tight, the only T-Shirt I have I think looks good on me and silver flats that were cute 3 years ago. My purse was a hand-me-down from a coworker. I'm not talking money here either people. I just don't invest the time in myself that I should. Yes, some extra spending money would make it easier to pick up some fun clothing or accessories but with my shopping phobias I don't think it would help all that much.

I'll try and be brighter tomorrow.

Turning the Corner

2011-09-25T21:19:00.003-04:00

...on this cold. Finally. It took over and ruined my whole weekend:( At least I got to sleep a lot, that in itself is a gift to any and all mothers.

It's just me and the dog here on the couch tonight. We are watching Melanie Griffith and Harrison Ford in Working Girl. I love watching old movies. Hubs left to watch a football game at a neighbors and so here I sit with my Labradoodle and great big hair and even bigger shoulder pads. What is up with those anyway? I'm so glad I never had to wear shoulder pads.

I can't think of anything else to write.

Good Night.

Friday Night Leftovers

2011-09-23T19:32:00.002-04:00

I'm sick. I'm a mom, you know what that means.
I have 2 shoots scheduled this weekend, and of course I'm sick...ugh.
I feel like a hamster on a wheel. It's always the same sh*t, different day.
Muffin seems to have breezed through his transition to a new class and a better teacher. Sometimes things are just meant to be and work out for the best. Sometimes:)
I plan to take a long hot steamy shower tonight before I collapse into my bed and hopefully a deep sleep for 8+ hours.
I'm so glad this week is over.

Go visit Danifred to enjoy the rest of the leftovers, trust me she is much better company than I am.

Divine Intervention, Maybe

2011-09-21T17:09:00.000-04:00

Being Robin, not Batman

Well after last nights post I thought I had to accept that Muffin was stuck in a less than desirable situation for the rest of the school year. Then my phone rang today and it was the director of his preschool calling about switching Muffin to the other Jr. K class. Turns out 4 kids that were supposed to be enrolled in the other class never showed.

Bonus, this teacher is much more aware of SPD and has had kids with special needs in her class before. Even better, she was warm and kind and comforting. She has invited Cade to come to school early tomorrow so he can get a tour of his new classroom. The assistant teacher knows Muffin back from his MMO days.

Sensory Seekers like to be upside down. Here he is watching TV.

I can't tell you the hope and relief I am feeling. My mother in law said (she takes Muffin to and from school 4 days a week) the old teacher didn't even make time to talk to her at pick up, was gruff, didn't day goodbye to Muffin, and just said, "His knew teacher is over there."

This is the right thing. Someone up there must be looking out for my babe.

I wanted to also include this link HERE to an old (2007) Time Magazine story. I think it is still a great article. I posted it on my Facebook page asking that anyone who hasn't yet heard of Sensory Processing Disorder read it. People ask me all the time if it's a "real" thing. I'm living it, it's real.

We've got 1 year until Kindergarten and we WILL be ready!!!

When Your Kid is Different

2011-09-20T21:27:00.002-04:00

For the most part I can make myself forget that Muffin has Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). Everyone that knows Muffin and knows our family just accepts him for who he is.

But last week he went back to school. He's in a class with 16 other 4 & 5 year olds and he is different. I know my son and I know he is trying his hardest to fit in and do what a "big boy" is supposed to do. He has definitely been enjoying his new class. He comes home happy and for the first time in all his years of preschool has mentioned a classmate by name and said he wants him to come over and play.

I made the teacher aware from the beginning what she could expect from Muffin. You should have seen the look on her face when I showed her his weighted vest. I wasn't sure at first if she believed me or believed in SPD. When I picked him up one day and asked how he did she made that "so so" motion with her hand and said, "he manages." I felt my heart drop to my feet. I thought the worst, that she was annoyed that she had to deal with him and worse I feared she had already written him off.

I almost lost it and went all Mama Bear on her but I stayed calm and called her that evening as she had requested we do. I felt a lot better after talking to her. She thanked me for giving her Hartley Steiner's Book, "Gabriel Making Sense of School." It explains a lot really quickly about the different facets of SPD and what teachers can do to manage SPD in their students. I think we are all on the same page now...I hope.

My heart breaks for Muffin. What if he doesn't have any friends in school? What if adults that should know better pass judgement on him. I can't be there to protect him all the time and the constant advocating is exhausting.

My poor little man...

Domestic I Am

2011-09-12T21:49:00.002-04:00

I can be domestic when I want to be.

Today I took Muffin to his 1st day of Jr. Kindergarten he was gone from 9:30 - 2:30.   He has been so excited about going but in the car on the way there he said, " I don't want to go to Jr. Kindergarten." When we got to the classroom door he looked so sad but he didn't cry and I hugged him hard and kissed his cheek and sent him off into the world. It's always hard to walk away from your child when you know they are scared or nervous. It's one of those pushing them out of the nest and hoping they fly moments.

During my time alone (since Puck is in 1st grade all day) I cleaned the house, put dinner in the crock pot, washed my bedroom drapes and duvet. Oh, and I was able to catch Hoda and Kathy Lee, a rare event for me. I liked it:) I liked being able to take care of the home that we live in and prepare food to put on the table.   I wish I could be here everyday. I wish I didn't have to leave my boys to go to work, but I do and that is my reality. Traffic, office politics, early mornings, long commutes...a tired mommy at the end of the day. I hope I am giving my kids the best I can.

It Stopped Raining

2011-09-09T21:03:00.002-04:00

Finally after a full week it has stopped raining.

My super cute umbrella I finally broke down and bought at Target for $12.99. I haven't owned an umbrella in over a decade!

I can't remember getting more rain day after day...ever! It was nice at first since the plants and lawn really needed it but when it fell so fast that flash floods were happening all over and they had to close schools on the 4th day, that was enough. Not to mention the frizz fest that was going on in my hair everyday. Uggg!

So today it stopped raining and all of a sudden the sun can out and the sky turned this amazing shade of blue. I felt instantly happier and positive:) Yeah Vitamin D!

Taken with iPhone 4, SOOC! Look how blue:)

Now I am enjoying a nice glass of wine to end the week. Cupcake, Red Velvet...delicious:) It's just in addition to the sunshine to help ease the stress that built up during the week. I've had this strange tightness in my chest and you know, since the sun reappeared I'm feeling much better. Who knows, if it comes back I'll have to see a doctor but I'm hoping it will not.

Happy Weekend to All:)

24 Hours to Go

2011-09-05T08:09:00.001-04:00

...until the school bus comes to take Puck to First grade!!! I'm going to miss it of course because I have to work:( I'm so excited for him to make new friends and take this new adventure. I hope it's a great year for my ~~little~~ big man. He turns 7 in only 2 months time. SEVEN! That just blows my mind.

Yesterday I found him leaning over this large notebook writing. He never writes or colors for fun, it's just not him. This is what he was doing...

Composing?

I was shocked. I took music and band throughout all my years in school. Could it be it's in his blood? I've never mentioned or encouraged music to him, not yet anyway. He looks athletic but he hasn't really shown an interest in sports besides TKD. This will be something to nurture if it comes up again.

Blue

2011-09-04T08:54:00.002-04:00

I'm in a little bit of a funk this morning. I'm thinking about all the things that need to be done around the house, the busy few weeks ahead with school, PTO, work, etc. I'm so ready for school to start back on Tuesday but I also remember how crazy the fall is for our schedule both at home and at work and I already feel tired.

I need a manicure and a pedicure and that's just not going to happen anytime soon. At least I was able to get my hair cut last week, that's a start. Now if this extra 35lbs I'm holding onto would just disappear...no it's still here.

We are having an end of summer cookout today for everyone on the block and to also celebrated Hubs' 36th B-day, or is it 37? Hmmm. I have a terrible memory. Terrible. Maybe a hamburger will cheer me up as long as I don't think about where it's ending up on my thighs.

It was a great summer. Maybe I'm just feeling blue that it's almost over.

Boys Going Bonkers

2011-09-03T10:12:00.001-04:00

My boys are going bonkers. Screaming, yelling, wrestling, hitting, jumping, fighting, chasing. My family room has become a jungle gym, a playground...complete chaos.

Please oh please send that big yellow school bus down my street ASAP! Puck heads to 1st Grade on Tuesday and not a minute too soon. Muffin has to wait one more week but I'm completely excited that he will be attending the Jr. K program at his preschool...it's extended day 9:30-2:30! Both of my boys need these long days to wear them out and the constant structure and daily routine really help keep them focused.

Wow, if I didn't have to go to work I would have so much time! But at least the house can't get messy when no one is home;)

Maybe a trip to the playground today to pass the dog days of summer. That and a giant pile of laundry is waiting for me upstairs.

More coffee please!

Summers End

2011-08-29T08:27:00.000-04:00

Before we know it the leaves will fall from the trees and the air will grow cool. I'm ready for Fall I suppose. Ready for the kids to be back into a routine. Ready to see the big yellow school bus rumble down the street. Ready to pull out the jeans and the sweaters. There is nothing like the feel of a hot cup of coffee between your hands on a cold morning.

It was a good summer. We definitely made the most of it. Lots of activities for the boys. Trips to the pool, bike riding, staying up late with friends and eating from an almost endless supply of icee pops.

I miss the beach already and I truly feel that is where I am supposed to be but I take solace in the knowledge that it will be waiting for me come Memorial Day. Don't we all want something to look forward to?

Friday Night Leftovers

2011-08-27T09:03:00.002-04:00

We are ready for school to start here in our house. Sept 6 can't come fast enough. The boys are fighting constantly and seem to be bored with just about every activity under the sun including riding bikes. They have been playing waaaaaaay toooooooo much Super Mario for Wii but I kind of don't blame them. I will literally be jumping for joy when the school bus pulls up outside our house.
Super excited about Muffins new Speech Therapist that is more affordable, will get to see him weekly, AND will be meeting with him at school! No more shuttling back and forth to the therapist office and my wallet is getting a break too! Yippee:)
I think I am going to make a list of personal and family goals and post them on my bathroom mirror. I really need to lose 35lbs...really. Ugg. I also think our house hold needs a more structured routine. I have some ideas to make daily life in our house calmer and more comfortable for everyone.
They changed our dress code at work and I don't have hardly any professional looking clothes that fit. No more flip flops, which I can totally understand and winter is coming any how but...I have like 1 pair of black pants and 3 blouses....not to mention I get up and get dressed when it's still dark and "dressing up" is just going to make my morning crazier.
I have a Family Reunion shoot tonight. I'm guessing it's going to be windy and raining...this will be fun.
Oh, I almost forgot. I never shared Muffins hair cut with you! It was a big week for him. Big boy hair cut, big boy booster seat in the car and he learned to ride his bike without training wheels at 4-1/2!

Muffin without the curls...sniff sniff...

Go taste the leftovers at Danifred's place!

Slipped in the Shower

2011-08-18T08:26:00.000-04:00

Yesterday after we got home and unloaded the minivan it felt good to be home. The boys wanted to go to the pool. Yep, you read that right. A month at the beach and they wanted to go to "their" pool. I said to myself why not, they were stuck in the car for 3 hours it would be good to let them get some energy out and then we can go grocery shopping.

So we went for a good hour, I read my book, they swam. We came home and they were playing quietly so I thought it would be a good time to take a shower.

Not five minutes into my shower did I start to hear the screaming, the running, and the doors slamming. Of course I can't do anything about it because I'm covered in shampoo and obviously completely wet, mid-shower. I have to call Puck like 10 times before he comes to the bathroom door and I ask him to stop fighting with his brother and slamming the doors. ~~Yeah right~~, ok mom...

They are experts at ignoring me.

The shouting continues, the running feet pounding as they chase each other back and forth. I'm yelling in vain as I hurry to shave one leg. It's useless, they know I'm in the shower and that I can't stop them. I'm livid at this point so I say to myself, I will show them, they won't expect me to barge in and break up their fight before the conditioner is even rinsed from my hair.

I slide the shower door open and step out. Next thing I know I am laying face down and naked in a huge puddle of water on the cold tile floor. My foot is killing me as I somehow slammed in onto the metal track of the shower door. I don't even move, I begin to cry, really cry. It's funny now, but at the time I was really upset.

Puck comes running in apologizing and I just choke out to both of them, "Go to your rooms!" I look down at my foot and it's turning a lovely shade of purple. It's really swollen and painful today. My back hurts too. Uggg, I hate to whine.

When Puck came out of his room he was holding a note for me. It was the sweetest apology note I've ever received. I loved the typos and spellings that only a 6 year old can make. It was actually the best writing I've seen him do yet.

Well, off to ice my foot. I never knew being a mother to boys would be such an adventure.

I'm Ready

2011-08-16T22:13:00.000-04:00

and by ready I mean the bags are packed and the condo is clean. I'm not ready but I'm "ready." We had a great last day...

We discovered Dairy Queen...

Yummy:)

You gotta love a playground that doesn't require shoes.

Our last evening on the beach.

I had to bribe them to get this shot.

The Last Day

2011-08-16T08:40:00.000-04:00

...has arrived. A whole month I've been here now:) Last night as I started packing and cleaning the little beach condo my stomach hurt and my heart ached a little bit. I'm all grown up so I know all too well that just because I want something doesn't mean I can have it.

What a gift this month has been. We've been everywhere we could and then some!

I took lots of photos but probably not as many as usual since I was trying to live in the moment and not watch it happen in front of me.

I'm nervous about everything that is waiting at home for me. Swirling around in my head is work, back-to-school, new speech therapist, bills, the house, activities for the boys, commuting...and so much more.

The beach will always be here.

Sunset

Special Dinner-Date with my Dad!

My handsome, almost 7 year old!

Just hanging around.

Top of the world!

My little monkey!

Low Tide, High Tide...

2011-08-14T23:34:00.001-04:00

Leaving behind something you love is always hard. It tugs at your heart and leaves that nagging feeling like you have forgotten something but can't remember what.

I've spent almost one month exactly here at my heaven on the bay. I have lived out my summer fantasy. I have walked on the beach with my dog and my coffee. I have swam in the ocean and the pool and watched my youngest learn to swim all on his own. I have reconnected with old friends and family. I wore a bathing suit everyday and I sipped enough cocktails, beer, and wine to get me through the winter until I can return here next summer.

I love that when you walk on the beach here you have to be careful not to step on the pinecones. I love that the trees sometimes completely cover the streets like huge green umbrellas. I love that the $3.00 kites I bought for my boys at the grocery store got plenty of air time and that I got to play fetch with my dog 100 times.

In just a few days time I will once again wake up in my own bed. I will have to return to work and live in the real world again. I will go back to my Keurig and my commute but my heart will be here on the bay...always.

Being a Mother Isn't Always Perfect

2011-08-13T22:48:00.001-04:00

What do you do when your child misbehaves and humiliates you in public in front of strangers or worse, in front of your family?

What am I supposed to do when I try to discipline my 4 year old and no matter what I say or threaten he responds back to me a resounding, "NO!" I can say, "Don't you say no to Mama" and he says, "NO!" It is so frustrating and honestly it breaks my heart...but he is 4 so I can only hope he'll grow out of this bad habit. Tonight as I was trying to put him in his car seat in front of my father, Muffin hit me. Everyone gasped, of course. I didn't look up at anyone while I was fighting with him to get him buckled in his carseat...humiliated.

My 6 year old who will be turning 7 in 3 months is so disrespectful and non-compliant. I feel like the more angry I get the funnier he thinks it is. How do I get him to know I mean business? He has no impulse control and I just end up yelling way too often. I love both of my boys but when this stuff happens I am so hurt.

How do you teach a child to show respect?

How do you teach them empathy?

I love my boys so much but I often feel like I must have really screwed up when they were little. I'm hurt. I do everything for them. I live and breath only for them and their happiness and they walk all over me.

Just venting....I'm at a loss.

Favorite Moments

2011-08-09T22:59:00.000-04:00

today I want to always remember...

-swimming and snuggling my babies (now 4 and 6) in the little pool here at our tiny beach condo.

The Wonder of Children

2011-08-08T21:39:00.002-04:00

I always feel like I did my job as a mom when my boys fall asleep before their heads hit their pillows. It was a busy day.

I love watching them discover the world.

-Scooter ride to breakfast at our favorite diner.

-Trip to Target for Legos and Rio.

-3 Hours at the Aquarium.

-Grocery Shopping

-Dinner

-Kite Flying and a sunset swim on the bay...

Pushing the button for the wave machine, he loved it.

Us!

Starfish

Snack Time

Let's go fly a kite...or two.

Swimming at sunset...heaven.

Success:)

Now I'm watching old movies on cable TV and sipping on some delicious red wine. I've got friends coming to visit, a busy week ahead!

Life Advice

2011-08-06T08:03:00.000-04:00

I borrowed this from a friends Facebook page and wanted to share it here. They are all things we've heard before but when I sat down and read each one I realized it's all so true isn't it?

Now Muffin is sick:(

2011-08-05T05:10:00.001-04:00

I'm laying in bed next to Muffin with a fever of 103.7 which is after a cool bath and Tylenol. Oh, and he just puked too which is really why he ended up in the tub. I don't want to go back to sleep until I know he's ok.
I guess he got whatever bug Puck picked up. I hope it's only a 24 hour thing.

Poor baby:(

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Sick on Vacation

2011-08-03T09:41:00.000-04:00

We've been lucky as it goes. I can't remember a time when either of the boys was sick on vacation. It happened yesterday. We had been down on the beach for maybe 30 minutes when the whining started. Whining is not unusual when talking about my boys, but this was different. Puck was asking to go back to the house. Part of me just thought he was bored and whining the way he has been known to do. I laid the beach chair all the way back and put the towel down for him. He fell asleep right away and didn't move for an hour. I felt bad that he wasn't feeling well but it also reminded me of the many times he napped on the beach as a baby and toddler...

When he woke and wasn't impressed by the blue crabs that Hubs had caught I knew he was sick. I took him up and showered off the sand and got him dressed in some comfy clothes and nestled him up on the couch with a movie. He slept some more...

Later that night he napped in the bedroom for another hour. Poor little man! His fever reached 103.7. I slept with him last night...my own personal space heater. He seems more lively this morning and is happily playing DSi side by side with his brother. I hope the fever stays down. It's no fun to be sick on vacation.

Vacay Updates

2011-08-01T09:02:00.001-04:00

This morning Hubs and Puck left on a chartered fishing cruise for half the day. I hope they have a great morning of sun, seas, and father-son bonding and of course, fish! So Muffin and I are chilling in our little condo here and plan to hit the pool a little later:)

I think it's safe to say that we are all enjoying our time away from the regular day in and day out of our regular lives. I am particularly relishing a break from my commute. I've hardly had to get behind the wheel at all, which I love.

Even the dog loves it here:) Watching him swim makes me smile. He's getting better at fetching too.

Yesterday we took a break from the beach. It's been so hot but yesterday was cool and it even rained. Puck and I had a date to see the Smurfs and he loved it. I'm always shocked how much I spend on popcorn and soda. It's extortion, really. Next time I'll be sneaking in my own treats for sure.

Then it was a nice walk to the corner for dinner. Steamed shrimp with drawn butter and crap soup...I mean, what else could you really ask for? Delicious.

I try not to think too much. I've been reading a lot, already on book 2. Loving Elin Hilderbrand for great beach reads. Watching movies and drinking yummy red wine in the evenings before bed. Vacation.

Friday Night Leftovers

2011-07-29T23:03:00.000-04:00

-I love it here and I don't want to leave. I won't even begin to go into the reasons why...
-Anger hurts. Please treat others the way you would want them to treat you, I don't know how many times I can say it.
-My 4 year old, Muffin, has taught himself to swim! He is amazing.
-I have a new fav author, Elin Hilderbrand...I'm pretty sure I can write a book someday.
-I am tan. Very tan.
-Need some new people to tweet with, anyone interested?

Please go help yourself at Danifred's Buffet.

Inner Peace...

2011-07-24T08:21:00.000-04:00

...Looks like this.

This is the neighborhood I want to live in...

Happiness

Sunset Swim

Even the dog is having fun!

Bliss

Warm Salty Breezes

2011-07-23T08:47:00.000-04:00

We're here. It's glorious. I think yesterday morning was my favorite time so far. The boys and I went for an early morning walk on the beach with the dog. It's like our pooch was dragging us to the water and the boys, well I couldn't keep them out of the water. Within 5 minutes the shirts were off and they were swimming right along with the dog.

Doggy has bolted for the water...you can see him if you look close.

Me...I was sipping coffee and snapping pix...as usual. It gave me such a good feeling to be watching my boys experience pure joy...

A boy and his dog.

Trying to make armpit farts...yep, all boy here.

My baby, growing up so fast...

I thought...yeah, I could get used this...

Ahhhh....

2011-07-19T21:30:00.001-04:00

My bags are packed. The car is partially loaded and I only have to endure one more day of work until I get to escape from this mundane place.

Right now I'm enjoying HGTV and a cold, pre-vacation beer with my feet up, I might add. Actually I'm icing the bottom of my heel. I don't know why but it hurts so much and feels as if I am standing on the hardest surface in the world. This is my 3rd night in a row of icing. Wearing the flats and flip flops that I love don't help. Sigh...maybe walking in the sand with help;) Do they make cute orthopedic flip flops?

I haven't taken many photographs lately but I plan to correct this while on vacay.

T-Minus 36 hours and counting...

A Place I Love

2011-07-18T21:51:00.001-04:00

I told a friend the other day that I was going to the beach for a month. Their response was, "Doesn't that get old?" An honest question. I suppose many people would think that would be a long time to be in one place. Maybe they weren't a beach person but everyone has that one special place that make them feel whole.

The reason I want to go to this place is because when I am there I feel like myself. When I am there I don't have to answer to anyone but my kids and my soul is quiet and content. Life is simple. I contend that it would be the same in the mountains or other vacation destination. It's all about stepping outside your normal life and trying on different surroundings as if it were a new wardrobe. Maybe it's running away from everything that causes you discontent. Whatever the reason for escape, I find my peace at the beach.

I'm going to get up every morning and walk the dog, sip coffee and try to keep my crazy boys quiet in the little one bedroom beach condo. I'm going to take things slowly and enjoy every minute of everyday. I'm going to pretend that I never have to come home. I'm going to walk in the sand and sun myself each day and perhaps enjoy a few afternoon cold ones. I'm going to read a great book and look for shells with my sons. I'm not going to complain about my kids waking me up early because I get to spend all day with them instead of going to work. I'm going to leave all my cares behind.

I'm going to the beach:)

Words to Live By

2011-07-18T20:49:00.006-04:00

{Treat others as you would have them treat you.}

...

I think about these words all the time and for the most part I really try to live by them. Am I perfect? No absolutely not, but I try to remember how important these words truly are.

I want the people I love to know that they have a soft place to land if they fall. I want them to know I will be there to catch them. I want the people in my life to know that I am trustworthy and I want them to feel comfortable coming to me if they need help or they are struggling.

That is what I hope people remember about me.

Now here in my adult life I have noticed a sad development...grown ups talk about each other behind their backs. I know, this is a shocker, right? I'm sure you are just as surprised as I am. This is never healthy behavior and it always makes someone feel bad. Why do we do this to each other?

We are all different. We all have our positive attributes and our flaws. Being a friend is accepting these flaws and accepting that person no matter what.

Love, unconditionally.

Way to Early

2011-07-17T07:58:00.000-04:00

I'm up early as usual. It's Sunday morning in my house and the boys are in rare form, screaming, yelling, and just giving me the overall feeling that they could jump out of their skin at any moment with all this excitement.

It's ridiculous. I mean it's not even 8:00am and they are already bored and asking for their DS's or jumping on each other or chasing the dog, fighting and wrestling. I think I'm going to need another cup of coffee ASAP. If I have to say...

Stop Screaming!
Get off your brother!
Leave the dog alone!
Don't jump on the couch!
Get Down!
Stop Screaming! (I say this one the most)

I've about had it and it's just way too early to start the day off this way. All this while their father is trying to sleep, I don't think he could possibly be slumbering after all this noise.

Why can't they just watch TV like normal children do on Sunday mornings?

I'm ready for a nap.

Friday Night Leftovers {The Morning After}

2011-07-16T07:42:00.001-04:00

*The packing begins today. Lots of work ahead to plan for this extended holiday:) Countdown Begins T-Minus 6 days and only 3 more days of work.

*I found a new Speech Therapist that charges our regular co-pay AND may be able to treat Muffin at School in the Fall. AT SCHOOL, CHEAPER, MORE OFTEN. I could jump for joy, seriously. We will be meeting her at the end of August:)

*We have 2 beta fish. No one cares about these fish and so I have to take care of them. I think they both have fin rot too. We've had the one for 3+ years now? Really? Had I known the life expectancy for these things was longer than a year...I'm kinda ready for them to go the way of the hermit crab.

*Sometimes I feel like I am wearing a sign around my neck that says, "Treat me like Sh*t." Maybe it's the heat but I am glad shooting for my full-time job is finished for the summer.

*I think I am too old to ever leave the house without eyeliner ever again. Either that or don't remove the sunglasses.

*Puck DID EARN HIS GOLD BELT! He called me at work to let me know since the belt ceremony took place during his summer camp. I am so proud of him!!!

It's not too late to go share your leftovers with the lovely and funny, Danifred. Link up, it's fun!

Go For the Gold and Beyond

2011-07-13T21:32:00.001-04:00

My big boy Puck went for his TKD Gold belt tonight. I was shocked at how difficult the test was. We won't find out until tomorrow if he passed. For his sake, I really hope he does. This would be a great confidence boost for him. I want him to be reminded how good it feels to be rewarded for your hard work. He has to repeat the form in the morning for the Master Teacher. I think he totally froze when put on the spot. I practiced with him all evening, which is hilarious because I've never taken TKD in my life!

A week from today I'll be leaving on a month long vacay to my most favorite place in the world. I am so excited to be leaving behind everything that is normal. Tomorrow I have to begin packing everything from bathing suits to bicycles. I even get to stay longer than the Hubs for some extra special Mom & Puck and Muffin time:)

We stay in this tiny little one bedroom place but it's so worth it. Five more days of work is all that is keeping me from relaxation and joy:)

Can't wait and promise lots of photos to come!

Hopeful

2011-07-12T07:53:00.001-04:00

I've been thinking about the post I wrote last night and I've come up with this:

Today I am hopeful that I will have the willpower to eat healthy. I hope that I will have more energy to get through the day so that I can get out there and walk a few miles tonight.

I will drink water.

Today I will make an appointment to cut my hair. I will donate my hair to to Locks of Love.

Today I will be confident and remember that it's not others who give me validation but rather I that validates myself.

What are you going to do for yourself today?

Do I Matter? Doesn't matter, I have no energy to.

2011-07-11T22:17:00.001-04:00

As a woman in my mid-30's, married, with children...I think it's safe to say I have let myself go. In the very least I haven't made myself a priority.

99.9% of my wardrobe comes from Target. Yes, Target. Don't tell me how much you love Target because I love it too, but seriously this is sad. I used to shop at Old N.avy but now I don't even do that.

I haven't had a hair cut in 2 years! OMG, make that 3. 3 Years? That's embarrassing.

Most days I don't even see the point of trying to eat right or exercise. I mean yes I would love to lose 30 pounds but I don't really think anyone really cares if I do or if I don't.

I feel like it's all I have in me to get out of bed in the morning, go to work, keep up with the kids, take care of the house, empty the dishwasher, fold the laundry, feed the kids, feed the dog, bathe myself, pick up after 3 other people, and sleep. There just isn't enough energy left in the day no matter how much coffee or RedBull I drink:(

To DO!

2011-07-10T21:59:00.000-04:00

I have a small to do list...

paint stairway trim and banisters
replace all toilet seats...(thanks to the 3 men that live in this house) eww.
hang mirror in the hallway
clean out hall closets
replace master bath shower door before it falls off or on someone
paint the hall bath (the boys bathroom)
paint Pucks bedroom
finish painting entryway and up stairs hallways
replace carpet

That's a good start now all I need is time and a winning lottery ticket.

Weekend Photos & Wrap Up

2011-07-05T21:08:00.003-04:00

Puck is getting so big. So is Muffin but truly when I look at Puck, my first born he is seemingly done growing. He is a boy. I captured this of him helping me shuck corn for the July 4th cookout.

Puck: 6 years, 8 months

The weekend went well and the kids had a blast. The only bad thing was that I inadvertently hurt another neighbors feelings when they saw the party photos on Facebook. Last year we had a big block party and even though is was a blast, this year we (meaning the core group of 3 families) decided to take it easy and just have a simple cookout and let the kids play. Last years party resulting in a lot of time and expense so we decided to down play things this year. I guess they felt excluded from the festivities and I feel terrible about that. I know what it's like to feel as though I'm on the outside and I would never want anyone else to feel that way. I of course apologized and tried to explain that they are welcome to anything, all they need to do it stop by. I feel bad but at the same time I don't feel like it's my job to be the neighborhood social committee. The other 3 families and I are always outside with the kids an d we didn't really see this as any different except we added food. This guilt will stay with me for a while because that's how I am. Inviting one more family would have meant inviting 5 more and then the idea of our simple intimate celebration would have been out the window.


What's a summer cookout without Corn on the Cob?

We were lucky in that lots of people in out neighboorhood were lighting off those shhhh (illegal) fireworks. So we had a bunch of the fun but safe fireworks highlighted by a few of the big ones!


I love the sound these make when they are launched...Boom!

Today was a tough day back at work. After a fun and relaxing weekend my day started off with an improper 2 hours long meeting with my boss. I find it exhausting to concentrate and be "on" for this amount of time. Ugg. Then at the end of my day I left work at my regular time and it took me 3 hours to get home. 3 HOURS! Stupid truck fire that shut down the highway I was on....I feel like my entire evening was robbed from me.

So now I'm a little grumpy but trying to take the edge off with the last bit of wine I can find in the house and then it's up and running again tomorrow. Vacation will be here before I know it, I just have to make it.

Lastly I just wanted to know if anyone used Instagram. I am totally addicted! Would you like to follow me? You can find me there as: justmebrandi with lots of fun and filtered iPhone photos!

Instagram Photo http://instagr.am/p/HB1VR/

Instagram

2011-07-03T08:08:00.000-04:00

I just love this and wanted to share. This was taken with my iPhone 4 and filtered in Instagram. So fun to see the world through filters!

Holiday Weekend

2011-07-03T07:26:00.000-04:00

It's always a carnival where I live. Children flood the streets with bikes, scooters, bubbles, and sidewalk chalk. The ice cream truck is often spotted making the rounds around our hood as well. The kids run with wild abandon...they are living a great childhood here. The kids have all known each other since they were born since we live in a new neighborhood and all moved in around the same time.

It's a blessing but also a curse. It's hard to find quiet time and family time with just us since someone is always playing outside or looking for a playmate, etc. Tonight we are having our pre-4th celebration. Cook out with all the neighbors and kids and of course fireworks!

I'm looking forward to watching the kids play and chatting it up with the neighbors, our friends. I'm also looking forward to capturing it all with my new camera that I am loving!

Happy July 4th everyone:)

I Love...

2011-07-01T22:27:00.000-04:00

that minute in the morning when you are awake but your eyes are closed and your alarm hasn't gone off yet.
Diet Soda (but I am thinking about giving it up as I believe it is adding to my loss in short term memory)
Driving with music.
BBQ Fritos
10,000 Maniacs (w/ Natalie Merchant)
Red Wine, any kind I am not a snob.
Watching old movies I love over and over.
When my kids accomplish something.
How my feet feel in the sand.
Paris and anything French.
Getting a pedicure.
Taking pictures, with my iPhone, Point and Shoot, or Canon 7D, doesn't matter:)
Hot Baths
Yoga
Yoga Pants and Cami's are my favorite thing to wear!
Flip flops or better yet, bare feet:)
Kissing my children's cheeks...

Feeding Fury

2011-06-28T21:46:00.001-04:00

I am so sick of dealing with Muffins feeding/eating issues. Having a child that refuses to eat anything or try new things is exhausting. I know that his diet is slowing his growth too which as a parent is frustrating.

He eats the following and only the following...

cream cheese
drinkable yogurt
waffles
pancakes
crackers
chips
nutri.grain cereal bars
cookies
popcorn
chicken nuggets (only fast food ones and not all the time)
milk
juice
bananas (occasionally)
pizza (occasionally)

This kid refuses to eat meat or pasta or veggies and 99.9% of fruit. He freaks out if it's even on his plate. Every meal that I attempt to offer new foods just gets completely frustrating. Everyone, including Muffin ends up angry and upset. I mean he won't even taste it! He is so stubborn too. Hubs sat with him tonight after dinner and it took him an hour to get him to touch the chicken nugget (frozen style, not fast food) to his lips.

Muffin has SPD. He is behind socially and emotionally. He's 4 but acts more like a 3 year old. His speech is coming along and his vocabulary is building slowly but he lacks the ability to understand more complex ideas and still cannot answer "why" questions. What if he is still like this when he is 7? They tell me he is not autistic...but why do I feel like everyone is just missing something? Did I mention his other front tooth fell out too? He will now have no front teeth for at least the next 2 years.

If you have heard of any conditions or delays that you think I should research, please let me know.

Always Just on the Outside

2011-06-27T21:02:00.000-04:00

The title of this blog post describes how I have felt my entire life...always just on the outside. I've always been a part of a group, always had friends, joined a very popular sorority in college, tried a mommy club, etc. Yet even when I was right in the middle of it all, it still felt like I was just on the outside, not quite accepted into the mix. Maybe it's because people don't let me in or maybe it's because I don't let them in. Whatever it is, I'm not sure, but it is a lonely feeling.

I'm surrounded by people at home, at work, during my kids extra activities, but somehow I always just feel a little lonely. I feel like they just don't "get" me. I guess I'm writing this post because I thought I would feel better if I wrote it all out. Writing in a diary when I was young helped me through a lot of tough times. It's like once you write it down you can let it go.

So I am trying to write, something I haven't been able to sit down and do in what feels like months. Writing is supposed to be an outlet, and not taking advantage of that outlet is just not a healthy choice for me.

Lately, well more each year I am forgetful. I get confused and I forget stuff. I hate forgetting stuff. I always end up feeling like an a-hole as home or work. I hate that because I really do try my hardest to get it all done, on time, and well. I feel like I am always disappointing everyone.

Everyday I see more gray hair and more spots that should be checked be a dermatologist after years spent in the sun. I haven't been able to stay focused to lose these extra pounds I've been carrying around that makes me depressed, even though I tell myself that no one cares. I think I am a classic example of someone that didn't live up to their potential.

Just a pity party over here tonight, not sure why but I thought that writing about it would help me feel better. I used to be so confident and self assured. Now, I'm just an overworked mom that's always forgetting we're out of milk.

Muffin Knocked Out his TOOTH!

2011-06-12T08:58:00.001-04:00

Muffin is only 4. Puck didn't lose a tooth until he was 6. That means my poor child is going to have a whole in his mouth for at least 2 years.

Muffin is tough stuff. This kid NEVER cries. He wipes out on his Razor scooter or his bike or trips over his own feet and always says, "I'm Ok!" Other parents are always amazed and remark how tough he his, and it's true. I read that kids with Sensory Processing Disorder (Muffin is a Sensory Seeker) can have a higher tolerance to pain. Whatever the reason the only time I see this kids cry is when he doesn't get his way.

Yesterday we were invited to see a friend that I haven't seen in 7 or 8 years. It was a fun party with everything the kids love, moonbounce, waterslide, and even a magic show! An hour into the festivities I heard another child cry out in pain at the waterslide. I look over and he is crying pretty badly so I walk over to see if he is ok and find his folks. Then I check out Muffin who is just sitting there quietly with his hand up to his mouth.

Me: You ok?
Muffin: I hurt myself.

I noticed a tiny smear of blood on his check. I figured he bit his lip so I lifted up his lip to check things out and was honestly shocked to see a huge hole where is front tooth was supposed to be! Of course I snatched his up and hollered out for Hubs.

Me: He knocked his tooth out!
Hubs: Really? (slightly frowning)

It was going to come out eventually (in about 2 years!!!)

Muffin never cried. He only asked me to put it back in a few times. He went right back to sliding and bouncing like nothing had happened! This kid is fierce.

Sleep

2011-06-11T07:53:00.000-04:00

I don't have babies anymore. My boys are 4 and 6. So, generally speaking we all sleep through the night here, but I'm still tired. I am tired all the time and NEVER feel like I've had enough sleep when I wake up...EVER. Maybe something is wrong with me but often sleep feels like a drug I just have to have more of and fast.

Currently there are beach towels and blankets hanging over Muffin's windows to keep it as dark as possible for as along as possible. With this trashy fix in place he usually sleeps until 6:20. 6:20AM:( So I get up early when I go to work and I get up early on weekends. Hubs and I try to switch off but even that only gets you sleeping-in until 8:30, maybe 9:00 with is simply deliriously fantastic. Gone are the days of sleeping until noon. Now I go through life feeling like a zombie. Lately I've notice by 3:00pm I'm sleepy as hell and have to have coffee to keep me up right with my eyes open. I actually started fantasizing about those 5-hour energy drinks I keep hearing about...

I used to be a night owl. Up late at night cleaning out closets or watching my favorite old movies. Now, I could fall asleep on he couch by 9pm. Now I'm no longer a night owl and I'm still not a morning person so there are like 4 hours in the day where I actually feel "normal".

ZZZzzzz.....

Oh, sorry, I dozed off.

Naps are out of the question. How do us parents, especially moms, get any relief? It's hopeless. Maybe in about 10 years when we get into the teen years. I promise I will NEVER complain about not being able to get teenage boys out of bed in the morning.

Friday Night Leftovers - Tidbits About Me

2011-06-03T23:26:00.000-04:00

Go join in the feast with Danifred for this edition of Friday Night Leftovers. You won't regret it.

I am an avoider. I avoid anything, person, or situation that could potentially create conflict.
I am a pleaser. If I love cheesecake but you want chocolate cake, I will order the chocolate cake every single time.
People seem to think I "Tell it like it is." I've also been told that I don't take crap from anyone. Hmmm..funny that they have it all wrong.
I put my needs last and still feel guilty when I buy clothing off the clearance rack at Target because I should be buying groceries instead.
I 've been commuting 60 miles round trip for 8 years now and I don't want to do it anymore.
I believe this: Treat others as you would have them treat you. If everyone practiced this, the world would be a better place.

Forgetful

2011-06-01T21:25:00.000-04:00

I screw up a lot. I forget things mostly. Being forgetful does come in handy though. I don't hold grudges because I can never remember why we were fighting in the first place. That would be a benefit. I can't be mad at you if I can't remember why you pissed me off. I forget important things too which is NOT good. I try to keep a calendar but even that is not foolproof.

I live with the best intentions. I am kind and I am patient and I am calm...95% of the time. I give people the benefit of the doubt and I forgive. Yet, I don't always receive that back from other people.

Why is that? It's frustrating.

All that aside, I realize that I will never remember the crazy things my kids say to me and and what age they were when they reached certain milestones. I will never remember the things that bring me joy and the little things that make up my life each and every day.

I want to remember. I don't want to forget...the good or the bad. All of these things make me who I am today and when I'm old and gray I want to...REMEMBER.

Dusting off the Cobwebs

2011-05-31T21:59:00.004-04:00

It's been awhile since my fingers have pressed these keys. I couldn't think of anything to write and it wasn't for lack of available topics. I just couldn't...talk.

I have just returned from my favorite place in the whole world. A place that if we weren't tied to our jobs and a house that is worth half what we paid, I would move there in a minute. When I am there everything in my mind is clear. I am a better self. I am confident in my body even with the extra pounds that have been hanging on. I am a better mother, a better wife, a better me... There my head is clear the air is like magic. My mind is quiet, my heart beats slowly and my soul is calm.

It's not paradise, it's not a perfect place as I am not a perfect person but when I'm there it still feels like home. Even though I had to leave and come home, the calm lingers with me still and brings me comfort and excitement to return again soon. I am reminded what's important in life and to treasure your friends and your family.

{So with a clear head I am here again and ready to write once again...}

I think I'll start with some bullets of my most recent thoughts or leftovers as Danifred would call them!

My hair is as long as it was in high school. I've been growing it out for over a year now and I'm now not sure if I should chop it all off again and start over or just let it go.
Muffin continues to make improvements in his speech and development but it's slow and steady. Only when I am around other children his age am I reminded just how far behind I know he is. I'm haunted by the results of out county school system when they denied him services, "He scores low but not low enough..." I pray this kid catches up.
Our living room/family room is being painted next Monday and I am ECSTATIC. This is so overdo I can't even begin to tell you how run down the house is looking and how great it is going to look again. I chose a nice neutral gray to contrast the maple cabinets and the red couch;) Yippee! I need something new to look at everyday:)
My current goals in life are:

Remember to do thinks my hubby asks. I have a terrible memory.
Be more patient with my boys, yell less.
Get back on the workout/weight loss train, even though I am happier now with my appearance and confident in my own skin than I have been in a long time, I still want to fit into a certain pair of jeans that are buried in my closet.
Find a way to live in a new place and make a better life for my family.

Writers Block Continues...

2011-05-15T21:50:00.001-04:00

I have been staring at the screen for 10 minutes and I can't think of anything to write:(

I'm here...

2011-05-11T07:42:00.001-04:00

I've been so busy working and shooting and editing and mothering I haven't had anything to blog about that anyone would even think is remotely interesting. I'm sorry. I'll get a post up soon. Heading to the petting zoo with Muffin today.

Hope you are all well out there in blog land.

:)

Friday Night Leftovers - Saturday AM Edition

2011-04-30T10:44:00.000-04:00

Thank goodness for Danifred's FNL. It gives me a reason to sit down and blog. You should come play with us too! I was too busy last night drinking Black Box wine and watching coverage of THE wedding to do anything else, so here is my Saturday edition of FNL.

On Monday, the UPS truck is going to roll up with my brand new Canon 7D camera! I CANNOT wait. I am so excited to get my hands on it! I have waited so long and have worked hard enough to finally pay for this, my DREAM camera...ecstatic doesn't even begin to describe how I feel.

Click HERE for image credit.

Muffin has a fever again. I started his ear drops right away. I'm hoping this stops it in his tracks. He is missing his T-Ball game today, so once again Coach Dad has to go coach a team of kids without his own son being there...Uggg. Poor Hubs:( I guess that means we will be hanging around the house all day, which honestly is just fine with me.
I thought the Royal Wedding was fascinating. I'm always a sucker for a love story;)
Had lots of inquiries for Photo Bookings...not enough time in May, oh my! It's good news, bad news I guess.
I'm happy to report I have been losing some weight...slowly but surely. Seeing the ounces come off everyday keeps me motivated. Yeah, bathing suit shopping may be less torturous. Wait, whom I kidding, Hahaha!
3 more weeks until my best friend gets married. Can't wait to celebrate her big day and I even love the bridesmaid dresses:)

Happy Hunting {Easter Eggs}

2011-04-24T08:35:00.001-04:00

We had a blast yesterday at our neighborhoods annual Easter Egg Hunt. It's something we have done since Puck was born and now it's a tradition.

Puck was decked out in his ~~snow boots~~ "Red Power Ranger Gear"! While waiting for the hunt to start he could be seen fighting an imaginary battle...slashing the air with his "Samuraizer..." If you don't know what that is then you are obviously not a 6 year old boy.

Muffin was not too sure about the whole egg hunt idea. He's making a face in about every photo that says, "Do I have to do this?" As soon as we pulled up to the clubhouse he announced he did not want to see the bunny. (Who admittedly is a little freaky but aren't all Easter Bunnies slightly questionable?)

I got a great new photo of me with the boys, which always makes me happy. I don't take a few, I posted over on 40 on Face.book. I know, I'm out of control with the photo taking,what can I say...

Today it's Paaz and boiled eggs. We didn't get to it yesterday because the weather was so gorgeous we spent all day outside playing. The camera battery is charging now...

Can I ask a question here? I hope I don't offend anyone but when did bicycles even become an option for an Easter gift? I just think that's maybe over the top. Maybe it's just me but my baskets are pretty traditional: Chocolate Bunnies, Jelly Beans, Peeps, a stuffed bunny. Isn't that why it's a BASKET? The last time I checked a bike wouldn't fit in the basket...

OK. I'm done venting...

Happy Easter:-)

I'm In Love...

2011-04-19T21:27:00.000-04:00

...with Wedding Photography! I've actually shot several weddings over the years. I shot one myself 10 years ago (yeah, on film BTW!!!) I've assisted on a few and this past Saturday I shot one all on my own. It was amazing. I loved everything about it. I loved meeting and networking with all the other professionals involved in the event. I loved talking with everyone in the wedding party. I loved photographing everything from the Bride's orange shoes to the cake cutting.

It was a long 2 hour drive in the rain to the venue of the day. A gorgeous property and such a picturesque place for the planned outdoor ceremony and reception.

This bride wanted to do a boudoir session before putting on the dress, so that made it extra fun.
The wedding was scheduled to be begin at 4pm...there also happened to be a thunderstorm and tornado warning at the same time. We ended up inside, it was pouring and the ceremony was lit with candlelight. Beautiful and simple, just like the couple wanted. I worked through the challenges of the darkness too:)

I carried 2 cameras around my neck and captured all the details of the wedding, flowers, favors, table settings, cake...all the fun stuff.

I'm so glad I wore my boots, even if I looked ridiculous;)

The reception started in a downpour and even though we were in a tent the water was pouring across the brick patio dance floor. The bride and groom didn't let anything deter their excitement and began their 1st dance together with very wet feet! I was almost brought to tears myself during a very emotional dance between the bride and her father. Deep breaths I told myself, no one wants to see the photographer blubbering away, hahaha!

Midway through the reception the rain actually stopped and the couple asked if we could run out and snap a few shots in front of the tree they were supposed to get married at. We walked out the tent and saw the most beautiful rainbow! I took my favorite picture of all time under that rainbow. Everyone was so happy:)

I was exhausted by the time I got home way after dark...put my feet up and enjoyed a nice glass of Cab. I can't wait to do it again:-)

Friday Night Leftovers

2011-04-15T21:27:00.001-04:00

I'm shooting a Wedding tomorrow:) I'm super excited but I'm hoping it doesn't rain on the couples big day. Not to mention that I would really prefer outdoor portraits for my portfolio. Rain, rain go away, come again another day!!!

I hate Star.Wars Lego W.ii game. The boys keep wanting to play it but they don't know how and I can't help them. Thank you Nintendo for bringing frustration into my family room:( I wish they would stick with bowling, golf, and air sports.

I had the best day at work today. Got the close on a great new client. I've been working on this one and waiting for a decision for weeks and weeks. It won me a lunch out with my boss:)

This summer I will be spending an entire month at the beach. I am so excited to be away from here in a place I love that brings me such peace and happiness...I can't wait. Hubs will be there for 3 weeks and then the boys and me will stay for a week of quality mom and boys time. If I could have my way I would move there and never come back.

I've learned as I age that real friendship and connection is a rare and something that should be cherished. It's really hard to create new connections that mean something and last. I am thankful for the few people in my life that fall under this category. I hope they know how important they are to me and that I carry them with me wherever I go.

My personal post can be found HERE. Only invited guests can read, sorry. Only readers with blogs that I follow are invited. If you are interested you can email me at steppingoncheerios{at}gmail.{com}.

Pictured below, just for fun. Me, senior year in high school taking photos for the yearbook. Yes, I am wearing a bed sheet...it was Senior Toga Day of course....What you can't see it that the sheet was pink. I love pink;) I've been a photographer all my life...

Please go see one of my favorite bloggers, Danifred to share in all the glorious leftovers! Clean out all of your leftovers, it feels so good to have a clean fridge!

Tidbits

2011-04-14T21:59:00.000-04:00

Some things I love ...besides my boys;)

Cotton Candy
Fruit Roll-Ups
Diet Coke
Spicy Italian Sub from Sub.way
Watching reruns on TV of old movies I've already seen too many times.
Walking barefoot (grass, sand, or sidewalk - doesn't matter)
Music
Baths
Wine
Sleeping In (not that I remember what that's like)

Weight Loss Sucks

2011-04-12T17:34:00.000-04:00

I've been trying to lose weight off and on now for a while. I always get ~~lazy~~ busy being a mom, wife, employee, etc. I thought I was doing pretty well these last 2 weeks and even lost a couple of pounds. I gained a pound back after the weekend which was really disappointing to me.

I realized that I am a pound heavier now then I was in January. This just made me so sad. It's like just spinning my wheels. I'm so bummed. It's going to get warmer here fast and I don't have anything left that I can wear.

It was hitting rock bottom emotionally that brought me down to the thinnest I can ever remember being, 129lbs. Getting back to that weight seems impossible now that I can actually eat. The anti-depressants I was on caused rapid weight gain that now lingers long after I stopped taking the medication.

I really do care what I look like. It's not the numbers on the scale or on the label of my clothing (and I don't think it should be for anyone) but I just DON'T feel good in the body that I'm in.

I'm going to keep going here and keep trying because I know I am strong and I know that I can do this...but it just sucks.

I'm a mom first, I just wish I could be a thinner one...but I'm sure my boys will love me no matter what. I just want my confidence back.

Muffin Has Come So Far

2011-04-11T21:05:00.000-04:00

It's been a slow change, but he IS changing. I've noticed it, little things here and there that he never used to do before.

Today when I dropped him off at school one of his teachers said to me how remarkably he was doing. She said he's like a completely different kid. When I picked him up I received a report that he had played so nicely with another classmate. (Usually he plays by himself, ignoring the other children) Then another teacher from the school commented about his amazing changes and improved behavior. I walked away holding Muffin's hand with so much pride I thought my heart would burst.

Lately there have been other signs of improvement...

He started singing me a song he learned at school, which I posted the other day if you missed it. He is 4 years old and has never done that before.

I can't remember that last time he threw one of those intense temper tantrums. Wow, I really can't!

When I handed him his lunch today he said, "Thank you, Mama."

We have started having conversations. They are very short and very simple but he is really started communicating with me beyond what he wants or needs.

Muffin continues to take Speech and OT and wears his weighted vest at circle time and snack time at school. I'm also convinced that the ear tubes have made all the difference. It's so nice to see his REAL personality beginning to develop:-)

I can't wait to see where Muffin takes us!

Paper Mama Photo Challenge - B&W {Little Heart Breaker}

2011-04-10T07:54:00.002-04:00

I love Black and White photos so much. For me it's not enough for a photo to lack color. A good Black and White portrait just has a feeling that you can't get from color.

This is my 6 year old son, my first born. I accompanied him to a birthday party for a female classmate at the local bounce house. As we walked across the parking lot and the girls spotted him they started jumping up and down and screaming, "Puck is coming! He's here, Puck is here!!! Ahhhhh!" When we opened the glass doors the screams reached a level I never thought possible. You would have thought Justin B.ieber just rolled up to the party or something. All the parents were looking at me and I was laughing inside. While he was trying to sign the birthday poster he actually turned around and asked the mob to back up a little!!! His teacher mentioned he was a little ladies man and this confirmed it. I'm happy to say he played hard-to-get and played with the boys for most of the party. Future Heart-Breaker in Training.

Go over to enter or view the other B&W entries with The Paper Mama.

Baby Bumblebee - Muffin Sings...

2011-04-09T20:38:00.001-04:00

Friday Night Leftovers

2011-04-08T21:56:00.000-04:00

I'm still here. It was a busy week but Friday has finally arrived. No rest for the weary though...Baseball opening ceremonies for T-Ball and 2 games tomorrow. I have a photo shoot on Sunday and a wedding shoot next weekend.
I'm happy to announce that I lost 2 pounds this week. Thank you Jillian Michaels.
I really hope the Federal Govt gets this budget mess figured out. We would really like to continue to pay our mortgage and feed our children.
I haven't slept well the last couple nights. This is VERY unusual for me. I usually crash but lately I've been tossing and turning and waking up for no reason.
I wanted to let all those that regularly comment and tweet with me that I really appreciate you and I love getting all your comments and sharing in your lives:) It's so nice to feel like I'm not alone with all this mommy stuff.
Here's what we were up to tonight...

How to enjoy the leftovers
1. Write out all the random thoughts swimming in your head that don't quite constitute a blog entry of their own.
2. Copy and paste the Leftovers photo onto your post (copy photo, upload to your post).
3. Link back to Sippy Cups. Click there to play!!! Danifred Rocks!
4. Enter your name and the permalink to your post into Mr. Linky. (Now, Mr. Linky has not been kind to me, so if he doesn't work, then screw him and leave your blog address in the comment section instead so that others can find you.)
5. Visit all the other leftovers and leave your love over the weekend. Comments are like hugs!

10% Me

2011-04-07T21:19:00.000-04:00

I haven't been writing...not because I don't want to...I just haven't been able to put my thoughts to ~~paper~~ laptop.

Lately I've been feeling like the 10% mom. I leave pretty early in the morning. I get home around 4:30. My kids go to bed between 7:30 and 8:00. That means I have 3 hours to spend with them. During this 3 hours there is homework, dinner, laundry, various after school activities. Also, by the time I get home at 4:30 I have likely driven 60-100 miles that day.

By the time I get home I am 10% of myself.

I am tired.

I am a 10% mom.

Friday Night Leftovers

2011-04-01T15:37:00.001-04:00

I can't even begin to express my sheer happiness and joy that today is Friday. It was a long day at work. I do NOT like getting up at 5:30am. Also, my body is just too darn old to be hauling all of this heavy equipment everyday, setting it up, breaking it down...I'm so tired of it. It's a busy week next week too I think my only office day is Wednesday. I suppose hump day is as good a day as any to hide behind my desk.
Did I mention how happy I am that today is Friday?
My oldest and dearest friends Bridal shower is tomorrow and I am so excited to get to share in her day. I know she'll be smiling ear to ear and I can't wait, even though I have nothing to wear...
I hope we get to eat out tonight. I also hope I get to drink some wine, a lot of wine.
This guy is sitting on my lap right now and it feels so good:)

I can be sick of taking pix at work and come home and STILL want to photograph this kid! He is taking a picture of me too;) Future photographer in training...

We had the house cleaned professionally on Monday and I'm still enjoying the clean-ness. Just step over the mountain of laundry and we're all good.
Need to lose weight....I wonder what I'm waiting for?

Have some leftovers to toss out? Go check in with Danifred of Sippy Cups Are Not for Star.bucks and link up to this awesome meme!

The Public Bathroom Dilemma

2011-03-31T17:02:00.000-04:00

Lately, when out with Puck in public places an interesting issue has cropped up now that he is 6, going on 7. Up until now, I've never given much thought to taking him with me into the ladies room to use the facilities or to wait for me. However, he's not a toddler anymore and people are starting to notice...

At swim lessons on Sundays he likes to take a shower in the locker room after class so he can use the shampoo I bought him in the tiny travel bottle. Well, now I realize there are little girls everywhere...sans clothing.... This is a problem. I can see both sides of the issue. If I had a daughter I wouldn't want little boys running around the locker room staring at her while she changes out of her bathing suit and I don't want him to see them or be seen either. Last week we bolted from the locker room with a towel over his eyes when I saw a nude 7 or 8 year old girl walking around. Hello, Does anyone remember what modesty is?

Anyway, I realize it was the Ladies locker room and ladies are therefore given to walking around in the nude if they so choose. What is a mom of a boy supposed to do? There is a sign on the door that says, "No boys over the age of 4 allowed in the Ladies Room". I can't send him into the Mens locker room alone! Who only knows what sort of pervs are lurking there!?! There are 2 "Family Rooms" available but when 50 people are finishing swim lessons at the same time you can see how this is not an option. Even though the intent of these rooms is to be family friendly and co-ed people can lock the door so it's just them in there, so thanks for nothing. I refuse to stand there with my freezing cold little boy for 30 minutes to wait our turn for the "Family Room" when there are 15 perfectly good showers available in the LADIES locker room.

Now I've noticed it with women's rooms everywhere. Even at the movies last night a lady seemed to notice I had brought him in with me. He's only in Kindergarten people, I can't leave him standing out in the lobby alone! Sigh...

Getting Back to Normal

2011-03-29T21:24:00.001-04:00

Thank you so much for all of your sweet comments and support for Muffin. He is doing great! Those antibiotics are miraculous:) Just to prove it to you here is what he was up to today...


Eating a favorite snack: Hexagon shaped waffle with cream cheese!

His high energy personality was back in action in typical Muffin style. Here he is in one of his favorite positions: upside down on the couch!

My Little Sensory Seeker is back!

Not to be forgotten about is Puck, the big brother. This kid has layers of personality and depth I am just beginning to break the surface on. I don't know where my toddler went but this little man is one of the coolest I have ever met. Tomorrow we are going on a date-night to see Diary of a Wimpy Kid 2, just us:) Can't wait!

When I look in his eyes I see so much soul...

Future Heartbreaker

105 Degree Fever = A Trip to the ER

2011-03-28T10:01:00.001-04:00

Arriving at the ER

Day 8 and Muffin still has a fever. He started to wilt again yesterday when out to lunch at Mickey D's with Puck and Grammie. By 7:30 he was asleep on the couch and when I rechecked his fever the thermometer read 105.3. I think I didn't really believe it. Earlier in the day he had already reached 104.3 and a luke warm bath brought it back down to a more comfortable level along with the fever reducing medication. I grabbed him up and out the door I went to the ER. Hubs stayed behind with Puck.

Getting IV Antibiotics

He was seen right away and given Tylenol. I was so glad when the doctor finally came in to check him. By now the fever was down to a cool 103! Everyone kept remarking on how HOT he felt. The doctor said he had a raging bi-lateral ear infection and also ordered a chest X-Ray. The worst part was having the IV put in. I've never heard him vocalize so clearly as he protested to the nurses, "You're hurting me!" He was such a little trooper. I'm still amazed he stood still for the X-Rays...took a little coxing on my part. They immediately started him on IV antibiotics. I was so thankful for the clicking of that little machine that was pumping in the medicine. After 2 previous trips to the doctors office this week it was about time!

His sweet little hand.

The chest X-Ray revealed Pneumonia as well. All this stuff his little body is fighting and he's still go-go-go...

I really hope the 2 antibiotics he's on now nip these infections quickly.

Hipstamatic Pix

2011-03-26T20:45:00.000-04:00

This little iPhone app is growing on me....it makes even the most mundane look interesting. In case you don't know what a Hipstamatic is, it's a throwback camera app that mimics the look and feel of the old plastic cameras of the past.

Here's what I did while I was bored today...

Coffee...oh how I love thee...

My feet...in much need of a pedicure.

Me...looking my age;)

My Wedding Rings

Muffin after the Motrin kicked in playing his DS.

Pizza Planet Alien

Finding Nemo

Me again...yep, bored.

Puck playing Power Rangers Samurai on my laptop.

Friday Night Leftovers - Bits & Pieces Edition

2011-03-25T17:13:00.000-04:00

What a day....Here are my leftovers in pix...

*Hubs was T-Boned this morning in our minivan. Luckily no one was hurt. Whenever I look at this picture all I can think about it that this is where Puck rides in the car...
See the side-curtain airbags deployed? Chills...

*Puck lost his 3rd tooth today while at school. It was the 1st tooth on the top row:) He was really excited about coming home with his tooth in the little tooth box from the nurse! Again, they grow so fast.

*As I mentioned earlier this week. I HATE how I look right now. I'm trying to accept it and love me for me. I'm still the same person on the inside...
This photo was taken of me at work. I am a preschool photographer so this is how I look everyday. Sitting on my case, strobes/umbrellas behind me, coffee to my right. Wearing my oh-so-stylish company polo shirt. Sexy, right?

Please go enjoy some leftovers with Danifred. Click HERE! & tell her I sent you:)

Things I Did Right Today

2011-03-24T21:12:00.000-04:00

I put on eyeliner before I even left the house.
I wore my hair down and it looked as if I had even looked in the mirror before I left the house.
I folded 3 loads of laundry AND put them away.
I ate: salad for lunch and a roast beef sandwich on wheat for dinner and a protein shake for snack, nothing else.
I showered.
I remembered that Puck's homework is due tomorrow.

I forgot how shooting everyday makes me so tired. In case you didn't know, for the last 11 years I have been a preschool photographer. I wipe noses, comb hair, and photograph the 1-6 year old crowd on a daily basis. I also pretty much act like a crazy lady the whole time to get smiles out all those tiny people. By noon, I'm exhausted and longing for a nice quiet desk job. So, this is why my list up there is so important to me. Sometimes it's all about keeping up with the little stuff. Slow and steady wins the race, right?

Me.

2011-03-23T21:28:00.000-04:00

Besides a mom, wife, daughter and co-worker, I'm just me.

I feel like I am the same person inside that I was at 17. Looking in the mirror brings me back to reality. Crows feet, gray hair, C-Section scars and too many extra pounds to count...I'm me but...weathered.

I don't like myself right now. I actually hate the way I look. I hate the way my clothes fit, I avoid my reflection whenever I can.

It's been a slow climb up the ladder of self loathing to my current weight/appearance. I haven't had a hair cut in almost 2 years and I've just recently forced myself to put eyeliner on before I leave the house in the morning.

I ventured out of my comfort zone tonight and went to my first spinning class. All I can say about it is that I made it through. I was afraid I'd have to hobble out mid-way, but I hung in until the end. You would think the seats would have more cushioning... Luckily, the mirror was behind me so I didn't have to see myself at all and as a bonus they turn out the lights so no one else can see you either.

I have to somehow figure out how to like myself again....

Anonymity

2011-03-22T22:01:00.000-04:00

In this world where Facebook, Twitter, Foursquare, and countless other outlets for social media come to the forefront of communication, no one is anonymous.

It began innocently enough, Facebook. Seemed like a cool idea. I had already tried MySpace but didn't really "get" it. Facebook seemed more suited to my age...no HTML knowledge required and instantly find every last friend and foe from high school, college, and the office.

I've embraced all of these social media outlets, tweeting, facebooking and even checking in on Foursquare (something that a few months ago I regarded as a huge invasion of privacy - but here I am telling everyone that I'm at Yoga or the grocery store.) Is it just me or does that sound really dangerous? "Yes creepy people I am here at Target, come and get me!" I've posted 100's of photos on FB that 99% of my "friends" could probably care less about and I tweet regularly with people I've never met.

Which brings me to blogging. I blog to share, yes. I blog to vent, yes. Who are all these people reading my words? Are their intentions good? Are there people that know me in real life who are reading without letting me know? Why do so many people read and not comment or let me know they are "here"? It's beginning to creep me out a bit.

The longer I blog, facebook, and tweet, the more uneasy I become about it. I have become acutely aware of my ~~private~~ I mean unwittingly public identity. Have you Googled yourself lately? Don't get me started. If I could be on the "No-Google List" (you know, like the Do Not Call List) I would sign up in a minute.

I began blogging as a way to write my personal hopes, fears, dreams, misery, and joy. A sort of therapy journal. I no longer feel as though I can use this blog as a personal space for self expression. I love sharing photos and talking about my experiences as a mom, but this is not enough for my journey through life, love, and the pursuit of happiness. When I'm sad I need to write about it, when I'm happy I need to write about it. In either case I need a PRIVATE place to take care of me.

104 Degree Fever

2011-03-21T08:55:00.001-04:00

Muffin had a fever of 104.3. It started earlier yesterday with a fever hovering around 100. I only noticed because I hugged him and felt how hot he was. He was acting completely normal so I didn't worry too much about it. He always acts normal. It takes a lot to bring this kid down. He doesn't even complain when he has an ear infection.

By 10:00 pm the fever has reached 104.3 and I was pretty close to taking him to the ER. If the Motrin ddidn't bring the fever down a little bit, I would really have started to panic. The Motrin did it's thing bringing his hot little body back down to a comfortable 100.3. The on-call doctor put my mind at ease, at least for the time being. I let him sleep.

Sitting by his bed watching him shiver, trying to help bring the fever under control with cold cloths on his forehead I was counting my blessings at how healthy he really is. I can't even remember the last time he had a high fever, it's been years.

This is the worst part about being a mom...when your babies are sick.

The fever came back after 4 hours and I didn't have any tylenol to give him. I was so happy when 4:00 am finally arrived so I could give him another dose of Motrin.

This mornings thunder storm sent Puck into a panic so he ended up in my bed. I'm exhausted. Muffin came bouncing in at 7:30 am, fever free, acting as if nothing had happened. He's got 2 more hours before the Motrin wears off. We'll be seeing the Ped this afternoon.

I'm ready for a nap.

Friday Night Leftovers: Let's Go Edition!

2011-03-19T09:11:00.001-04:00

I think I am happiest when I am busiest. Being busy forces you to concentrate on the things that count the most. That being said there is a very fine line between busy and overwhelmed. There is a lot coming in my direction so I'm not sure which it will turn out to be.

Here we go...

Baseball started yesterday for the boys. Hubs and I coach Muffins team. Well, he coaches the team and I coach Muffin... Both boys have practice at the same time today, thankfully just a field apart so we can coach and watch Puck at his practice from across the way.
Spring is here, which means the photography business picks up...bye bye Sundays.
I've somehow ended up on the ballot for next years PTO President. I'm really excited about it but also slightly anxious about the time commitment involved. One of my favorite things in the world is to be a leader and help people accomplish their goals. I used to manage pools back in the day when I still looked good in a bathing suit. I was also captain of my high school colorguard in the the Marching Band. Yes, I admit I was a band geek....great memories. I always seem to end up in these kinds of roles so I guess there is a reason for that.
We are dog sitting for a week! My favorite Pug:) Right now I have a Pug snuggled up on my left and a Labradoodle snuggled up on my right. So right now that makes Hubs (a boy), Muffin & Puck (both boys) and the dogs (also boys)...I am completely out numbered here.
Weightloss is not happening. I'm very disappointed in myself. I'm working up the courage to go to a Spinning class. I'm afraid I'll have to hobble out before the class is over...

Please vist our host, Danifred:)

Bubbles

2011-03-16T20:37:00.000-04:00

Did you know that blowing bubbles also helps blow off some steam? Maybe I should join in the fun next time.
I love this first set of photos of Muffin in red. He had just taken a shower so his hair was still wet. He had the time of his life...ran the batteries out on his little automatic bubble blower! I also love these photos because they are all SOOC. No editing whatsoever here, NONE! It just goes to show you that if you get it right the first time, not every photo needs Photoshop to be better.

Puck was at school so he missed all the fun. The bubbles came out again the very next afternoon. Coincidentally, so did the pack of AA batteries. These boys don't get seem to get tired of this activity. I had to literally cut them off. No More! Save some for tomorrow:)

Now it's my turn to have fun, maybe I'll take a hot bath, and perhaps sip a night cap. Bourbon & Coke anyone?

Spring

2011-03-14T12:07:00.000-04:00

1/400 f/2.5 taken with my Canon 85mm f/1.8 USM

Sample of Spring

2011-03-14T08:58:00.001-04:00

It's coming! It's coming! The April Showers, the May Flowers and I can't wait! Yesterday the boys were outside almost the entire day. They NEVER get tired of the running, bike riding, and endless games of Hide and Go Seek.

My Big Boys: Puck (6) Muffin (4)

Being Creative

Muffin LOVES his new ride!

Saturday To-Do's

2011-03-12T10:02:00.000-05:00

My day started great; I got to sleep until 9:00am and Hubs made me a Egg White Omelet with Cheese:) It was very tasty but I must admit I missed the yolks a little.

Here's my plan for the day:

finish coffee
get dressed
head to toy store to buy Muffin a shiny new bike (I'm more excited than he is.)
finish eradicating my house of all unnecessary paper. Paper is evil.
TAXES. I have to get to this ASAP or Hubs might lose his mind.
catch up on laundry, I made a decent size dent this week
vacuum the stairs...ewwww
take some new photos of my boys.
come to grips with Pucks new OBSESSION over the new Power Rangers Samurai. It's so cheesy. This mornings episode was about a villain that poisons all the rangers with his "Halitosis". Yes, bad breath!!! He LOVE it!

Have a great weekend:)

Heartfelt Words For My Boys

2011-03-08T21:36:00.000-05:00

Clarity is what I've had over the last few days. I feel like I can see everything that is happening all at once and yet, it's not confusing or chaotic.

My boys have both been at their best, well except for the hour we spent waiting at the vets office yesterday...

Muffin is exploding in personality and Puck is turning into the sweetest little man.

Tonight while I was tucking in Muffin at bedtime I said, "I love you." He replied, "I love you too." It made me so happy. He also drew his first stick figure today on the chalk board. When I asked him what is was he said, "It's Muffin!" Except he used his real name.;) When I pointed to the eyes and asked him what that was he said "Eyes". It sounds so simple but it made me so happy.

Puck is becoming this little independent man that never ceases to amaze me. He is also the most handsome 6 year old I have ever seen:) The last 2 mornings he has come into my room just before the alarm goes off and asks to snuggle with me, just like when he was really little.

Life is full of ups and downs and right now I'm enjoying these up days with my kids...

My mom is back in my life and I'm so happy about it. We picked up Muffin from Preschool and had lunch at our favorite fast food place with the indoor playroom. He was delighted and not shy...called her Grammie and asked her to come home and play some more. Puck missed out since he is in Kindergarten all day. He was very angry when he found out he missed out on Grammie so we will be planning another outing as soon as possible.

:-)

Marvelous Muffin

2011-03-03T21:54:00.002-05:00

Muffin had a great day. It was therapy day! I wish I could be the one that could take him but I'm so fortunate that I have an amazing mother-in-law that is as committed to helping Muffin as I am. It was his first day in therapy (Speech and OT) with his new weighted vest. They said they could really see a difference already:)

I was really bummed out last night after he went to bed. We had been reading "Monkeys Jumping On the Bed". Every page is basically the same...one fell off and bumped his head. Every other page shows a monkey crying. Every page I would ask Muffin, "Why is the monkey crying?" Even after the 5th page he still couldn't tell me WHY the monkey was crying. He would just say, "I don't know." He is 4 years old and should be able to figure out from the story why this monkey is crying...

I tucked him in and left the room feeling like he was getting worse. I felt so sad. After discussing the problem of "Why" questions with the therapists today we now have a plan of action. For the time being we will not be asking Muffin any "Why" or other Wh questions. Instead of saying, "What did you do at school today?" We are supposed to say, "I bet you had a great day at school today! I bet you went to the playground!" The hope is that he will correct me if I guess wrong, "No, I went to music." (for example)
I tried some of the new techniques while Muffin and I were watching Wall-e tonight and he talked to me more than ever before.

It was really a special moment for me. Now I am feeling hope once again that this kid can turn it around...

Calming Weight {Weighted Vest} - SPD

2011-03-02T20:52:00.001-05:00

I recently went online in search of a weighted vest for Muffin. His OT has been trying to get him to wear one during his sessions but he always refuses to wear it. Most of the ones I found online were either super institutional looking and/or extremely expensive.

I ended up at Etsy because that's where I always end up when I'm looking for something really unique. I found Calming Weight. You can visit her full website at http://calmingweight.com/. She handcrafts all kinds of weighted items for children with Sensory Processing Disorder and/or Autism Spectrum Disorders and more. I sent her a message and said, "I know this is a long shot but do you have Wall-e fabric?" She sent me a message back almost immediately that she did indeed have Wall-e and sent we a photo of the fabric! There are tons of fabrics, by the way. If she has Wall-e, she must have almost everything. I was so excited and place an order right away. I thought the price was very fair at just under $60.00!

I showed it to Muffin for the first time tonight. His eyes lit up when he saw it. I knew I had found a winner. He wanted to sleep in it. {Which of course is not allowed} but I assured him he could wear it again tomorrow.

The vest is made with great skill, truly a beautiful and well made product. There are plenty of removable weights and they slip discreetly inside secret pockets where Muffin can't get to them. It is our plan for Muffin to wear his vest during Therapy and at times during the school day that the OT deems appropriate.

Please consult your child's therapist before using a weighted vest. I will be asking the OT tomorrow when he should wear his vest, how much weight is appropriate and for how long he can wear it.

If you have been looking for a special product like this please consider Calming Weight. You should also know that I was not paid or compensated for this review. I purchased a vest because it was exactly what I was looking for and I'm sharing it with all of you because I love it and know there are lots of little ones out there like Muffin that could benefit.

Post It Note Tuesday

2011-03-01T20:39:00.000-05:00

I thought I would mix it up today. I've posted some stickies for your enjoyment...

Post up your stickies with the Only Parent Chronicles.

Do You Ever...

2011-02-28T20:59:00.001-05:00

Fall in love with your KIDS all over again?

I was watching Muffin at his Little Gym class tonight. I love it. I barely take my eyes off of him. Watching him be himself is one of the most enjoyable things I can think of. He is allowed to do all those things that people are usually trying to get him to stop. For a whole hour he gets to run, jump, kick, swing, roll, tumble, hang upside down, and climb!

I was watching him roll backwards and swing his feet over his head, all the while with this huge smile on his face. In that moment I had this feeling of unbelievable maternal love wash over me. I just sat there full of pride and love while watching my little man do all the things he loves and all the things he is really good at.

I had the same feeling an hour earlier when for the first time Puck announced he was having a concert for us. He even had sheet music written out with music notes on it! My little composer touched a piece of my heart as he strummed his guitar...and you know, it actually sounded good!

Anniversary Getaway {Year 10}

2011-02-27T21:00:00.002-05:00

After a decade of marriage it seems that 10 years has vanished in the blink of an eye. It's so easy to get buried in the details of life. That is why it's so important to take a step back when ever you can. It's hard to get away, it's expensive, you need child and/or pet care, and you need time! We make time once a year to celebrate us. It's not even a whole weekend away, it's half a weekend, just 24 completely relaxing and indulgent hours. I'm excited that next years 24 hour vacay is only 365 days away;)

This year it was a night at the Ritz Carlton and dinner at Maggiano's (the same place where we had our wedding reception a decade ago). We checked in early and then it was off to the Spa for me for 2 hours of champagne pedicure and manicure. Can you say, BLISS?!? Hubs went to the Gym, because that's fun for him. Me, I'll take the Spa any day.

After that we spent awhile in the pool and hot tub together...more relaxing. I even checked out the steam room. When we were tired of having contests to see who could hold their breath longer under water we got cleaned up and mixed up a a few bourbon and cokes and parked ourselves in front of the History channel in our hotel room. I lounged in my Ritz Carlton Robe with my feet up....ahhhhh. No kids, no screaming, no stepping on toys, no "MOMMIEEEEEEE". Tee Hee, just quiet:)

Dinner was wonderful. The chef brought us celebratory champagne and we finished a 5 course meal with Tiramisu!

When we returned to our room there was a surprise waiting from our parents! Champagne on ice and rose petals in the shape of a heart on our bed. I have to say here, you know you are getting old when it's your parents setting the "mood" for you, Hahahah!

It was 24 hours of fun. We feel rejuvenated and ready for the rest of our lives. As my husband said to me, "10 Years down, a lifetime to go..."

A Decade of Marriage

2011-02-23T21:08:00.001-05:00

Tomorrow is my 10th Wedding Anniversary. A decade of matrimony. That is a really long time. I can't even believe that much time has passed...amazing. Marriage is truly a journey.

Hubs and I are both really excited about our night out this coming weekend. It's a mini getaway, 1/2 a weekend, one night away from the kids. Luxury hotel...and dinner for 2 at the same place where we has our wedding reception!

I bought a new dress today...I couldn't decide between two, cute or sexy. Sexy won. At least I hope it's sexy! I'm not sure I even recall what "sexy" actually is...

If You Love Someone Then Tell Them

2011-02-21T21:04:00.001-05:00

It's been an emotional week. So many emotions bopping around in my head all at the same time like ping pong balls. My father spent 3 days in the hospital. My father is my hero. If anything happened to him I would be devastated.

Not only was I worried something could be terribly wrong with my dad but I saw my sister and mother for the first time in over 2 years. Not knowing what they think of me was hard but I was so happy to see them even under such difficult circumstances. I don't know why talking things out among adults and family members can feel so hard sometimes.

They say everything happens for a reason. Could it be my dad got sick in order to bring me back together with my sister and mother? I feel like a new connection has been made. I feel like maybe there is hope.

If there are people in your life, friends and family, that you love and care for, don't take them for granted. Tell them you love them before it's too late. Make sure they know you think about them everyday and how much they mean to you. If you are estranged, forget the past and reach out just one more time. Maybe once more is all it will take to restore a long lost relationship. Don't give up, someone needs to be the one that takes the initiative.

What have you got to lose?

Old Photos

2011-02-20T20:51:00.002-05:00

I love old photos. I love new ones too. I photographed these old photos of me and my dad with my DSLR. Then I brought the photos into Photoshop and hit "Auto-Color". The photos went from looking old and yellow to well restored.

I spent a great day with my family enjoying my dad being home and feeling better. I also got to spend some long over do time with my sister. The best part was seeing her play with my boys and hearing her and my boys laugh together. Tell those that you love, that you love them and tell them often!

Now I'm enjoying a nice glass of Kir Royale and hoping my sister accepts my friend request on Facebook:-) {Update-She did!}

Dad Update

2011-02-19T08:10:00.001-05:00

He is home and feeling better. Even though the Doctors aren't sure what caused him to become so ill they have come up with a course of treatment.

I'm so glad I was able to spend so much time with him while he was in the hospital. I love my dad and can't even imagine how horrible it would be if something happened to him.

Thank you so much for all your prayers and words of encouragement. It's truly appreciated.

That's all I have the energy to write. If you have been granted access you can read more HERE.

I got a phone call...

2011-02-16T20:55:00.001-05:00

but I missed it because my phone was downstairs and I was upstairs keeping an eye on the boys in the shower and folding laundry and dusting my room...

My husband comes up and asks where my phone was.

He takes the dusting cloth out of my hand and hugs me. That's when he starts to speak and he tells me my step-mom called and my father was rushed to the hospital...

...dad...hospital...

I'm paralyzed with fear while he is telling me the details. My father is my hero, my protector, the best poppy to my sons in the entire world.

They are keeping him over night to run tests. It looks like he is OK. I love my dad so much and ask for your prayers that this is nothing serious.