Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Feeding Fury

I am so sick of dealing with Muffins feeding/eating issues.  Having a child that refuses to eat anything or try new things is exhausting.  I know that his diet is slowing his growth too which as a parent is frustrating.

He eats the following and only the following...

cream cheese
drinkable yogurt
nutri.grain cereal bars
chicken nuggets (only fast food ones and not all the time)
bananas (occasionally)
pizza (occasionally)

This kid refuses to eat meat or pasta or veggies and 99.9% of fruit.  He freaks out if it's even on his plate.  Every meal that I attempt to offer new foods just gets completely frustrating.  Everyone, including Muffin ends up angry and upset.  I mean he won't even taste it!  He is so stubborn too.  Hubs sat with him tonight after dinner and it took him an hour to get him to touch the chicken nugget (frozen style, not fast food) to his lips.

Muffin has SPD.  He is behind socially and emotionally.  He's 4 but acts more like a 3 year old.  His speech is coming along and his vocabulary is building slowly but he lacks the ability to understand more complex ideas and still cannot answer "why" questions.  What if he is still like this when he is 7?  They tell me he is not autistic...but why do I feel like everyone is just missing something?  Did I mention his other front tooth fell out too?  He will now have no front teeth for at least the next 2 years.

If you have heard of any conditions or delays that you think I should research, please let me know.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Always Just on the Outside

The title of this blog post describes how I have felt my entire life...always just on the outside.  I've always been a part of a group, always had friends, joined a very popular sorority in college, tried a mommy club, etc.  Yet even when I was right in the middle of it all, it still felt like I was just on the outside, not quite accepted into the mix.  Maybe it's because people don't let me in or maybe it's because I don't let them in.  Whatever it is, I'm not sure, but it is a lonely feeling.

I'm surrounded by people at home, at work, during my kids extra activities, but somehow I always just feel a little lonely.  I feel like they just don't "get" me.  I guess I'm writing this post because I thought I would feel better if I wrote it all out.  Writing in a diary when I was young helped me through a lot of tough times.  It's like once you write it down you can let it go.

So I am trying to write, something I haven't been able to sit down and do in what feels like months.  Writing is supposed to be an outlet, and not taking advantage of that outlet is just not a healthy choice for me.

Lately, well more each year I am forgetful.  I get confused and I forget stuff.  I hate forgetting stuff.  I always end up feeling like an a-hole as home or work.  I hate that because I really do try my hardest to get it all done, on time, and well.  I feel like I am always disappointing everyone.

Everyday I see more gray hair and more spots that should be checked be a dermatologist after years spent in the sun.  I haven't been able to stay focused to lose these extra pounds I've been carrying around that makes me depressed, even though I tell myself that no one cares.   I think I am a classic example of someone that didn't live up to their potential. 

Just a pity party over here tonight, not sure why but I thought that writing about it would help me feel better.  I used to be so confident and self assured.  Now, I'm just an overworked mom that's always forgetting we're out of milk. 

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Muffin Knocked Out his TOOTH!

Muffin is only 4.  Puck didn't lose a tooth until he was 6.  That means my poor child is going to have a whole in his mouth for at least 2 years.

Muffin is tough stuff.  This kid NEVER cries.  He wipes out on his Razor scooter or his bike or trips over his own feet and always says, "I'm Ok!"  Other parents are always amazed and remark how tough he his, and it's true.  I read that kids with Sensory Processing Disorder (Muffin is a Sensory Seeker) can have a higher tolerance to pain.  Whatever the reason the only time I see this kids cry is when he doesn't get his way.

Yesterday we were invited to see a friend that I haven't seen in 7 or 8 years.  It was a fun party with everything the kids love, moonbounce, waterslide, and even a magic show!  An hour into the festivities I heard another child cry out in pain at the waterslide.  I look over and he is crying pretty badly so I walk over to see if he is ok and find his folks.  Then I check out Muffin who is just sitting there quietly with his hand up to his mouth. 

Me: You ok?
Muffin:  I hurt myself.

I noticed a tiny smear of blood on his check.  I figured he bit his lip so I lifted up his lip to check things out and was honestly shocked to see a huge hole where is front tooth was supposed to be!  Of course I snatched his up and hollered out for Hubs.

Me:  He knocked his tooth out!
Hubs:  Really? (slightly frowning)

It was going to come out eventually (in about 2 years!!!)

Muffin never cried.  He only asked me to put it back in a few times.  He went right back to sliding and bouncing like nothing had happened!  This kid is fierce.

Saturday, June 11, 2011


I don't have babies anymore.  My boys are 4 and 6.  So, generally speaking we all sleep through the night here, but I'm still tired.  I am tired all the time and NEVER feel like I've had enough sleep when I wake up...EVER.  Maybe something is wrong with me but often sleep feels like a drug I just have to have more of and fast. 

Currently there are beach towels and blankets hanging over Muffin's windows to keep it as dark as possible for as along as possible.  With this trashy fix in place he usually sleeps until 6:20.  6:20AM:(  So I get up early when I go to work and I get up early on weekends.  Hubs and I try to switch off but even that only gets you sleeping-in until 8:30, maybe 9:00 with is simply deliriously fantastic.  Gone are the days of sleeping until noon.  Now I go through life feeling like a zombie.  Lately I've notice by 3:00pm I'm sleepy as hell and have to have coffee to keep me up right with my eyes open.  I actually started fantasizing about those 5-hour energy drinks I keep hearing about...

I used to be a night owl.  Up late at night cleaning out closets or watching my favorite old movies.  Now, I could fall asleep on he couch by 9pm.  Now I'm no longer a night owl and I'm still not a morning person so there are like 4 hours in the day where I actually feel "normal". 


Oh, sorry, I dozed off. 

Naps are out of the question.  How do us parents, especially moms, get any relief?  It's hopeless.  Maybe in about 10 years when we get into the teen years.  I promise I will NEVER complain about not being able to get teenage boys out of bed in the morning.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Friday Night Leftovers - Tidbits About Me

Go join in the feast with Danifred for this edition of Friday Night Leftovers.  You won't regret it.

  • I am an avoider.  I avoid anything, person, or situation that could potentially create conflict.
  • I am a pleaser.  If I love cheesecake but you want chocolate cake, I will order the chocolate cake every single time.  
  • People seem to think I "Tell it like it is." I've also been told that I don't take crap from anyone.  Hmmm..funny that they have it all wrong. 
  • I put my needs last and still feel guilty when I buy clothing off the clearance rack at Target because I should be buying groceries instead.
  • I 've been commuting 60 miles round trip for 8 years now and I don't want to do it anymore.
  • I believe this:  Treat others as you would have them treat you.  If everyone practiced this, the world would be a better place.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011


I screw up a lot.  I forget things mostly.  Being forgetful does come in handy though.  I don't hold grudges because I can never remember why we were fighting in the first place.  That would be a benefit.  I can't be mad at you if I can't remember why you pissed me off.  I forget important things too which is NOT good.  I try to keep a calendar but even that is not foolproof. 

I live with the best intentions.  I am kind and I am patient and I am calm...95% of the time.  I give people the benefit of the doubt and I forgive.  Yet, I don't always receive that back from other people. 

Why is that?  It's frustrating.

All that aside, I realize that I will never remember the crazy things my kids say to me and and what age they were when they reached certain milestones.  I will never remember the things that bring me joy and the little things that make up my life each and every day. 

I want to remember.  I don't want to forget...the good or the bad.  All of these things make me who I am today and when I'm old and gray I want to...REMEMBER.