Monday, February 28, 2011

Do You Ever...

Fall in love with your KIDS all over again?

I was watching Muffin at his Little Gym class tonight.  I love it.   I barely take my eyes off of him.  Watching him be himself is one of the most enjoyable things I can think of.  He is allowed to do all those things that people are usually trying to get him to stop.  For a whole hour he gets to run, jump, kick, swing, roll, tumble, hang upside down, and climb!

I was watching him roll backwards and swing his feet over his head, all the while with this huge smile on his face.  In that moment I had this feeling of unbelievable maternal love wash over me.  I just sat there full of pride and love while watching my little man do all the things he loves and all the things he is really good at.

I had the same feeling an hour earlier when for the first time Puck announced he was having a concert for us.  He even had sheet music written out with music notes on it!  My little composer touched a piece of my heart as he strummed his guitar...and you know, it actually sounded good!

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Anniversary Getaway {Year 10}

After a decade of marriage it seems that 10 years has vanished in the blink of an eye.  It's so easy to get buried in the details of life.  That is why it's so important to take a step back when ever you can.  It's hard to get away, it's expensive, you need child and/or pet care, and you need time!  We make time once a year to celebrate us.  It's not even a whole weekend away, it's half a weekend, just 24 completely relaxing and indulgent hours.  I'm excited that next years 24 hour vacay is only 365 days away;)

This year it was a night at the Ritz Carlton and dinner at Maggiano's (the same place where we had our wedding reception a decade ago).  We checked in early and then it was off to the Spa for me for 2 hours of champagne pedicure and manicure.  Can you say, BLISS?!?  Hubs went to the Gym, because that's fun for him.  Me, I'll take the Spa any day.

After that we spent awhile in the pool and hot tub together...more relaxing.  I even checked out the steam room.  When we were tired of having contests to see who could hold their breath longer under water we got cleaned up and mixed up a a few bourbon and cokes and parked ourselves in front of the History channel in our hotel room.  I lounged in my Ritz Carlton Robe with my feet up....ahhhhh.  No kids, no screaming, no stepping on toys, no "MOMMIEEEEEEE".  Tee Hee, just quiet:)

Dinner was wonderful.  The chef brought us celebratory champagne and we finished a 5 course meal with Tiramisu! 

When we returned to our room there was a surprise waiting from our parents!  Champagne on ice and rose petals in the shape of a heart on our bed.  I have to say here, you know you are getting old when it's your parents setting the "mood" for you, Hahahah!

It was 24 hours of fun.  We feel rejuvenated and ready for the rest of our lives.  As my husband said to me, "10 Years down, a lifetime to go..."

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

A Decade of Marriage

Tomorrow is my 10th Wedding Anniversary.  A decade of matrimony.  That is a really long time.  I can't even believe that much time has passed...amazing.  Marriage is truly a journey.

Hubs and I are both really excited about our night out this coming weekend.  It's a mini getaway, 1/2 a weekend, one night away from the kids.  Luxury hotel...and dinner for 2 at the same place where we has our wedding reception!

I bought a new dress today...I couldn't decide between two, cute or sexy.  Sexy won.  At least I hope it's sexy!  I'm not sure I even recall what "sexy" actually is...

Monday, February 21, 2011

If You Love Someone Then Tell Them

It's been an emotional week.  So many emotions bopping around in my head all at the same time like ping pong balls.  My father spent 3 days in the hospital.  My father is my hero.  If anything happened to him I would be devastated. 

Not only was I worried something could be terribly wrong with my dad but I saw my sister and mother for the first time in over 2 years.  Not knowing what they think of me was hard but I was so happy to see them even under such difficult circumstances.  I don't know why talking things out among adults and family members can feel so hard sometimes.

They say everything happens for a reason.  Could it be my dad got sick in order to bring me back together with my sister and mother?  I feel like a new connection has been made.  I feel like maybe there is hope.

If there are people in your life, friends and family, that you love and care for, don't take them for granted.  Tell them you love them before it's too late.  Make sure they know you think about them everyday and how much they mean to you.  If you are estranged, forget the past and reach out just one more time.  Maybe once more is all it will take to restore a long lost relationship.  Don't give up, someone needs to be the one that takes the initiative.

What have you got to lose?

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Old Photos

I love old photos.  I love new ones too.  I photographed these old photos of me and my dad with my DSLR.  Then I brought the photos into Photoshop and hit "Auto-Color".  The photos went from looking old and yellow to well restored.

I spent a great day with my family enjoying my dad being home and feeling better.  I also got to spend some long over do time with my sister.  The best part was seeing her play with my boys and hearing her and my boys laugh together.  Tell those that you love, that you love them and tell them often!

Now I'm enjoying a nice glass of Kir Royale and hoping my sister accepts my friend request on Facebook:-)  {Update-She did!}

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Dad Update

He is home and feeling better.  Even though the Doctors aren't sure what caused him to become so ill they have come up with a course of treatment.

I'm so glad I was able to spend so much time with him while he was in the hospital.  I love my dad and can't even imagine how horrible it would be if something happened to him.

Thank you so much for all your prayers and words of encouragement.  It's truly appreciated.

That's all I have the energy to write.   If you have been granted access you can read more HERE.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I got a phone call...

but I missed it because my phone was downstairs and I was upstairs keeping an eye on the boys in the shower and folding laundry and dusting my room...

My husband comes up and asks where my phone was.

He takes the dusting cloth out of my hand and hugs me.   That's when he starts to speak and he tells me my step-mom called and my father was rushed to the hospital...

I'm paralyzed with fear while he is telling me the details.  My father is my hero, my protector, the best poppy to my sons in the entire world.

They are keeping him over night to run tests.   It looks like he is OK.  I love my dad so much and ask for your prayers that this is nothing serious.

Just Can't Seem To...

  • get on the treadmill.
  • put away the laundry.
  • compile info Hubs needs for taxes.
  • clean out my purse.
  • take out the trash in my bathroom.
  • keep a tidy house.
  • shower regularly.
  • wear make-up daily.
  • charge my cell phone.

I'm sure there is more but I just can't seem to remember what else I've forgotten...

Monday, February 14, 2011

Bye Bye Pacifiers

It's been a big week for Muffin around here.  The biggest thing besides turning 4 would be saying goodbye to his faithful night time friend...Paci.  Unlike his brother who launched his paci's to the moon at age 3, we waited until his 4th b-day to bid farewell.  Puck was excited about the balloons and let go immediately.  I had to pry the balloons out of Muffins little hand...

He only asked for the paci's a few times that night and was asleep in record time...

He asked where the paci was this morning around 6am...and whimpered just a bit when I reminded him the paci's went to the moon...

I've used this method twice now. It worked like magic for both of my boys and would highly recommend trying it if you are looking for a way to kick the paci habit:-)

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Muffin is 4!

Yesterday my Muffin turned 4 years old.  It is absolutely amazing how fast the time has passed.  He loved his party at Chuck E you know what.  He seems so grown up and talked more yesterday than I have ever heard before.  It was just simply the best day.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Friday Night Leftovers | The morning after edition

*As recommended by Muffins Pediatrician I made an appointment with Children's Hospital (Developmental Pediatrics).  The 1st available appointment is in October!!!  That's 9 months away.  If you know anyone going into medical school you should tell them this is the field to go into as there seems to be a ridiculous shortage of practitioners.

*Today is Muffin's 4th Birthday!  He wanted a party at Chuck E you know what, and that's what he's getting.  I hate that place but the kids seem to love it so I suppose I can suffer through.  Photos to come for sure!

*Puck has come home with a Red "face" from school twice in the last 2 weeks.  I'm so disappointed.  His report guard was good academically but I'm starting to hear his is "disorganized, has trouble sitting and listening, and uses materials inappropriately, and has even been somewhat defiant."  I'm not sure what the best way to react to these bad days at school.  I'm struggling with being consistent in my response.

*Not much progress on the weight loss front but I seem to be holding steady so that's good.  The treadmill will be getting some use soon.

*Glad to be back at Yoga, found a great new teacher this week.  Kicked my ass!

*So excited I was able to sign up Muffin for the Gym classes after all!  It's really expensive but I think it's exactly the kind of activity he needs.

*I found a woman on Etsy who makes customized weighted vests for kids with Sensory Issues.  I really wanted something that didn't look so institutional.  I convo'd her about Wall-e fabric and she HAS IT!  I plan to order Muffin a vest for use at Therapy and at school:)  I know he'll wear it if it has Wall-e on it:)  If it turns our great I'll do a post about her for all my SPD Moms out there!

*Happy Weekend Everyone!  I've been trying to respond to all your comments and e-mails.  As always your support is such a blessing and something I  never knew I could get from blogging and rambling on about his chaotic life.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Please go visit the lovely Danifred to enjoy some more leftovers!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Muffin's Four Year Well Check

Today was Muffins four year well check up.  I was ready.  I had a file folder an inch think with evaluations and research all about Muffin.

He was in rare form, even for him.  Puck pushed the button in the elevator before he could get to it.  This, as usually resulted in a serious meltdown.  It took about 5 minutes to recover...Then they called us back.  He wouldn't stand against the wall for them to measure his height.  He wouldn't stand on the scale to get his weight.  I had to hold him and then get weighed alone so they could figure out his weight.  I had to hold him down on the table on one of those measuring tapes they use for babies.  It took all my strength and the doctors to hold him down.

Puck was there and wouldn't listen to me....sigh.

The doctor listened to all of my concerns and was able to witness first hand the behavior I am most concerned about.  She felt the observations of the teacher and myself were in line with PDD-NOS.  She cannot diagnose such a disorder.  Pediatricians are there to cure infectious diseases. 

She has referred us to a neurologist and then to the developmental specialists at Children's Hospital...

She took copies of all my evals and gave the boys lollipops, even though they were crazy.

By the time we reached the elevator I was tired and deflated and not looking forward to another round of doctor and therapy appointments.  A woman walked up and dropped a handful of pamphlets and eyes went to the pile on the floor and read the words "Breast Cancer"...

In that moment I stopped feeling sorry for myself and for Muffin.  We are alive, we are healthy.  I can only imagine this woman received the worst news of her life just minutes before we met by the elevator. 

Perspective is powerful.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011


I had a wonderful practice tonight. It was a class full of challenging vinyasas and poses. Having been practicing yoga for over 2 years now, I have learned that the teacher is everything. If the music isn't right it can throw it all off. I like the instructor who understands what Yoga is all about and knows more than just the poses but how they are performed, what's happening inside your body, and how important meditation is to the entire thing.

When I am struggling in my life, Yoga always brings me back, it always saves me from myself.

Need peace in your heart and in your mind? Try Yoga...


Tuesday, February 8, 2011


I can't quite pinpoint when it happened but at some point today things took a turn for the worst and it all went to crap.

I was reminded this morning after photographing 4 classes of 2-5 year old preschoolers, just how exhausting my job is and how I am getting too old to do it.  If the kids are great, then the teachers are questioning every move I make (as if I haven't been doing it for 10+ years).  You just can't win.  By the end my back was aching from the constant up and down and forward and backward.  I could have crawled back into bed and slept for the next 8 hours.  Maybe it's me, I'm sure I'm not as patient as I used to be.

When I came home the boys were both happy to see me, which makes it all better:)

Be Mine
Until, Puck accidentally deleted his brand new and much anticipated episode of the New Power Rangers from the DVR.  The poor kid cried for a half hour, "Make it come baaaaaaccck!!!!!"  I was still amused by his realization of the words, "Yes to delete," which I must say he now understands explicitly.

Puck then commented that I didn't cook the pasta as good as dad.  -Thanks, I really needed that.

Muffin refused to eat even 1 bite of his dinner.  He stayed at the table for almost 45 minutes while we waited for him to give in.  No amount of bribing worked. -Muffin-1, Us-0.

Sweet Little Feet
The best parts of my day included an early Valentine from Puck and a sweet plea from Muffin to take his picture too, for which I obviously obliged.  I also soaked in a hot tub when it was all over and sipped a sweet glass of red wine...

Now all I need are 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep...well, one can hope, right?

Monday, February 7, 2011

Therapy Chairs {You know like Musical Chairs}

We are going back to the old therapist.  Both, the Speech and OT.  I feel relieved and guilty all at the same time.  Poor Muffin has been evaluated so many times...he has to be re-evaluated by the old therapist even though he was just evaluated 2 weeks ago by the new practice.

Muffin still asks for "Miss Speech" (My nickname, he actually know her name.)  It's a nicer facility and it's closer to home.  I just want things to be normal for him. 

We can't afford the $75 copay a week so Muffin will only go every other week.  I think it's going to be the right thing for him at this point in time. 

I hate to be perceived as indecisive or scatterbrained.  I'm quickly getting over my concerns about what "other" people think about me.  I'm the crazy mom.  I know it.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Friday Night Leftovers

Are you hungry?  Come and play with the lovely and talented Danifred!  All those little things that have been on your mind all week but don't constitute an entire blogpost...share them here and feel the love!

  • Hello's been 34 days since we last saw each other.  It felt like a reunion tonight when I removed the cork and poured my first glass in over a month!  Welcome home..sniff sniff...welcome home.

  • My doggy, the labradoodle, got a nice bath.  Puck said afterward that he smelled like strawberries.  

  • Have you seen this?  This reminds me of Puck.  He LOVES Darth Vader! 

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Special Education Services DENIED!

I sat around this small round table in an equally small room while 4 woman discussed observations that have been made about Muffin over the last 4 months (totaling about 3 hours of observations).

Their conclusion:  He is on the lower average of average, but not severe enough to qualify for Special Education services.  It was all I could do, not to let the tears flow right then and there.

I have had to explain all of my beloved sons shortcomings repeatedly over the last few months (for the last 2 years, actually!) to just about every "professional" that we've come into contact with.  It's not a fun experience to constantly discuss and re-hash what's wrong with your child, why he isn't normal, what he can't and doesn't do.

Of course I don't want there to be anything wrong.  No, I don't want him to have a disability of any kind.  Why must I beg for them to help Muffin.

It was only conceded that he needs gross motor sensory activity prior to school.  An intervention meeting has been scheduled for them to meet with his preschool teacher (again), school director, and us...blah, blah, blah...

Then they told me I was doing everything I could for him.  Gee, thanks.

I told them he's been evaluated so many times he knows "how" to do it.  I told them he can't even explain to me what he wants for his 4th birthday next week or who he wants to invite to his party.

It's like the system makes you hope your child fails their tests just so they can get help.  Parents should never have to hope for their child to fail...

I'm so frustrated.  I am not a professional therapist.  I can't help him at home the way he needs, the way he deserves.  I bet is he wasn't in private preschool and private therapy they would have ruled otherwise.  Maybe I'm just angry...but I feel like a bad mother, like they think I'm making up what I see...

I just can't believe this.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Trampoline Fun - Sensory Seeker's Dream

Muffin is a Sensory Seeker!  His big brother Puck knows this and made an obstacle course for him in the play loft today.  Run, Jump, & hug!

Brothers are the best:)