Saturday, August 13, 2011

Being a Mother Isn't Always Perfect

What do you do when your child misbehaves and humiliates you in public in front of strangers or worse, in front of your family?

What am I supposed to do when I try to discipline my 4 year old and no matter what I say or threaten he responds back to me a resounding, "NO!" I can say, "Don't you say no to Mama" and he says, "NO!"  It is so frustrating and honestly it breaks my heart...but he is 4 so I can only hope he'll grow out of this bad habit.  Tonight as I was trying to put him in his car seat in front of my father, Muffin hit me.  Everyone gasped, of course.  I didn't look up at anyone while I was fighting with him to get him buckled in his carseat...humiliated.

My 6 year old who will be turning 7 in 3 months is so disrespectful and non-compliant.  I feel like the more angry I get the funnier he thinks it is.  How do I get him to know I mean business?  He has no impulse control and I just end up yelling way too often.  I love both of my boys but when this stuff happens I am so hurt.

How do you teach a child to show respect?

How do you teach them empathy?

I love my boys so much but I often feel like I must have really screwed up when they were little.  I'm hurt.  I do everything for them.  I live and breath only for them and their happiness and they walk all over me.

Just venting....I'm at a loss.

7 comments:

Ashley said...

I am right there with you. I would love someone to give us the answers!

*Jess* said...

You did NOT screw up, its just the age, I promise you. Seven was NOT a fun age at my house, I can tell you that!

I know this is incredibly hard to do, but staying calm and in control in these situations and modeling an appropriate response is about the best you can do. When my child tells me "NO!" I simply say, "No is not the right answer. I need you to say, "Yes mommy" and then go do it." If they are really being stubborn, I physically help them complete the task I asked them to do. Hand over hand, etc.

As far as the hitting, I'm sure Muffin was just reacting to being put in his carseat and was being impulsive. I probably would have held his hands in his lap and said, "We don't hit" and then ignored it. When we got home, I'd ask for an apology.

ashleigh said...

We hsve the same problem with respect... My 7 yr old with SPD argues with me over everything.... Our specialist told us to use an earning system, which I have done before. Have two jugs, when he is respectful and doesn't argue, he gets a marble ( used god coins before), when he is rude he loses one. Then when he earns a set amount he gets some privilege. My child needs the visual reminder. I often wonder how much I have done wrong, but my devotional the other day helped... "I have given you your own path, uniquely yours. Don't compare yourself to others as their path is different". I have jokingly said God thinks more highly of me than I do myself. Having kids isn't for sissies, and having a special needs kid is even more challenging. Know you are not alone.

Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 said...

No, you didn't screw up...they're kids...they push the limits every.single.day.

I started using 1-2-3 Magic and it definitely helped. I still fall apart every now and then, but every time I resort back to this, the Crazies get it. It's hard to be consistent, but worth it.

Also, it makes me want to lose my shit when Hailey laughs at me when I'm trying to discipline her...seriously.

Oh, and I hate when people gasp at a parent getting hit...you're telling me they've never been hit by a child? LOL

TS said...

I agree with the other comments - kids are going to push limits. However, if you are looking for some advice I really like the book "How to talk so your kids will listen, and listen so your kids will talk" It's a quick read, uses cartoons to illustrate the main points, and I think has some really great advice.

TS said...

Oh, and if that book doesn't help - you should also check out "setting limits with your strong willed child"

For the Love of Naps - Sarah said...

I have read both books that people mentioned...123 magic and How to talk to kids. both have great ideas!

I am right here struggling with many of the same issues. ONe phrase that is always my goal to use but I always forget in the moment...haha...is

"Let's try this again." Instead of getting into my lecture mode of telling them what they did wrong and blabbing on and on...I think that by just giving them a second chance in a really calm voice could sometimes do it...or not....and like I said, I haven't used it enough becuase I forget in the heat of the moment.

Good luck! And I agree with the gal up above...you did not do something wrong! It is the age, a stage, a phase and this too shall pass.