Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Weight Loss Sucks

I've been trying to lose weight off and on now for a while.  I always get lazy busy being a mom, wife, employee, etc.  I thought I was doing pretty well these last 2 weeks and even lost a couple of pounds.  I gained a pound back after the weekend which was really disappointing to me. 

I realized that I am a pound heavier now then I was in January.  This just made me so sad.  It's like just spinning my wheels.  I'm so bummed.  It's going to get warmer here fast and I don't have anything left that I can wear. 

It was hitting rock bottom emotionally that brought me down to the thinnest I can ever remember being, 129lbs.  Getting back to that weight seems impossible now that I can actually eat.  The anti-depressants I was on caused rapid weight gain that now lingers long after I stopped taking the medication.

I really do care what I look like.  It's not the numbers on the scale or on the label of my clothing (and I don't think it should be for anyone) but I just DON'T feel good in the body that I'm in. 

I'm going to keep going here and keep trying because I know I am strong and I know that I can do this...but it just sucks.

I'm a mom first, I just wish I could be a thinner one...but I'm sure my boys will love me no matter what.  I just want my confidence back.


6 comments:

krayzid0rk said...

Man I've been there and it is a hard feeling to work with.

Is there something you can do as a family that will help you get some extra active time in? Walking to a park or swimming at a pool? Last summer we bought tennis rackets and would lob some balls around. It was fun, helped the boys developmentally and mom and dad got some work out time in without ever knowing it.

I hope you start feeling better, and find a way to shed a few pounds or just bad images! hang in there!

Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 said...

Yes...the confidence...that's what it's all about. If you don't feel good, then you feel like you're not good for anyone else...no matter what they think. I'm totally with you. I can't give you a magic cure...I'm still working on it.

Jeri Lynne said...

Girl, I know exactly where you are. I am there too! Since I got married in August, I have gained 12 pounds, and I CAN NOT lost it. It is very discouraging with spring coming and little clothes that I can't wear calling my name.

Good luck to you in your journey, and remember to stay positive and focused on feeling good and being the best mom you can be!

Masala Chica said...

I have totally been there. Done that. That roller coaster of mommyhood, career, hobbies - oh and that thing called ourselves - that keeps taking me for a ride.

I have finally done what i have never thought was possible - I have started doing the 5 - 6 small, small protein packed meals each day - and its doing the trick. I read that for my body weight and height, I need to take in about 96 grams (i remember being like - what the hell?) of protein every day. I have been doing two - three protein shakes a day and small meals comprised of just smaller portions - but heavier on the proteins. That means I have changed the way I am cooking for the fam too - so its been working.

I will cross my fingers that it keeps working. Let me know if you need any support on this one - I am still a work in progress (ain't we all?) and have my own messed up head issues, so I am trying to do this healthily without doing my head in ;-)
Kiran

daisybv2 said...

I have struggled with Weight my entire life when I finally got down to where I wanted to be I got preggo with baby number one...

I never lost all the weight and then 3 years later I was preggo again...

I finally got my act together and started a weight loss plan and got down about 50 pounds... and then God had other plans I was preggo again.. So I will be back on the band wagon..again once my new arrival comes. It is so hard Hang in there.

Jenn said...

Count me in on the BTDT wagon. I joined Weight Watchers and lost 7lbs, but haven't budged in two weeks. It's frustrating because I really try to do all the right things. And I don't care what society sees me as and I don't care what size is on my pants...I just want to feel good with what I see when I look in the mirror. I'm not really that overweight (I need to lose about 6 more pounds to get to my ideal), but I've got wicked pregnancy damage that I've not come to terms with, even after 10 years. I can't change any of those things (not without thousands of dollars), so I think I look to my body size to help gain some sense of worth -not my total worth mind you. Just my physical worth. Otherwise I'm pretty solid.

I do love Weight Watchers though. :)