I realized that I am a pound heavier now then I was in January. This just made me so sad. It's like just spinning my wheels. I'm so bummed. It's going to get warmer here fast and I don't have anything left that I can wear.
It was hitting rock bottom emotionally that brought me down to the thinnest I can ever remember being, 129lbs. Getting back to that weight seems impossible now that I can actually eat. The anti-depressants I was on caused rapid weight gain that now lingers long after I stopped taking the medication.
I really do care what I look like. It's not the numbers on the scale or on the label of my clothing (and I don't think it should be for anyone) but I just DON'T feel good in the body that I'm in.
I'm going to keep going here and keep trying because I know I am strong and I know that I can do this...but it just sucks.
I'm a mom first, I just wish I could be a thinner one...but I'm sure my boys will love me no matter what. I just want my confidence back.