Besides a mom, wife, daughter and co-worker, I'm just me.
I feel like I am the same person inside that I was at 17. Looking in the mirror brings me back to reality. Crows feet, gray hair, C-Section scars and too many extra pounds to count...I'm me but...weathered.
I don't like myself right now. I actually hate the way I look. I hate the way my clothes fit, I avoid my reflection whenever I can.
It's been a slow climb up the ladder of self loathing to my current weight/appearance. I haven't had a hair cut in almost 2 years and I've just recently forced myself to put eyeliner on before I leave the house in the morning.
I ventured out of my comfort zone tonight and went to my first spinning class. All I can say about it is that I made it through. I was afraid I'd have to hobble out mid-way, but I hung in until the end. You would think the seats would have more cushioning... Luckily, the mirror was behind me so I didn't have to see myself at all and as a bonus they turn out the lights so no one else can see you either.
I have to somehow figure out how to like myself again....