Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Personal Post: I'm not popular...

It's been a long time since I wrote a truly personal post, which was the original reason for starting this blog.  As the year ends and I begin to reflect back over the last year I thought it would be a good time to type out some of these thoughts.

I'm not popular and I never have been.

Throughout life people have used the same series of words to describe me...and usually serious, up front, and tells it like it is, come up in the conversation.  I have had countless woman say to me, "I thought you were a bitch when I met you, but now that I've gotten to know you, you are great!..."

I was never in the "cool crowd" in high school.  Don't get me wrong, I had great friends that meant a lot to me and I will never forget them.  But you know, that traditional cool crowd...that just wasn't me.

In college I was accepted into one of the most "popular" sororities on campus, but I never felt like I truly fit in.  Out of 120+ members I am still now close friends with only 2 other sisters.  I was elected President, not because I was popular but because everyone believed I could be objective and do a good job.  Unfortunately, an unexpected drop in GPA, prevented me from taking office and it was given to the runner up.  I was devastated.

Now at work, I've been there so long and seen so many wonderful people come and go that I guess I no longer make attempts to befriend new employees.   I feel out of the loop there just as I always have.

I don't know why it bothers me, but it does.  I am a real person, with real feelings.  I am the first to sing the praises for someone else or give them credit for a great idea.  I keep secrets.  I am a confidant.

I'm not popular in blog land either, not that it's important.  I blog for me, just like I live my life for me.  I always feel just slightly inferior and have my entire life.  Never quite good enough, always 2nd best.  Just because I'm 35 doesn't mean that I have it all figured out.  I've come to the realization that I just may never have it "all figured out".

This is me...



12 comments:

Ashley Sisk said...

I just felt like I wrote this post and I can totally relate. I'm not popular either...the only space where I do feel at home is blog land and I didn't feel like I fit in until about 6 months ago. It certainly took forever. But I'm glad to get to know you a little bit better. I know we just became "friends," but I hope to learn more about you in 2011.

Danifred said...

This post makes me sad. Sad because I think that so many women feel like this in some aspect of their lives. For me, I'm not "popular" with my family. Although I've never done anything to them, I have a family of over 50 people who look over me, time and time again.
If it matters, I love reading your blog and one of these days we'll FINALLY get together because I rather like you in person too :)

Ashley said...

I literally could have written this post. You are not alone. Thanks for sharing and putting this in words. I know we've only just met but I look forward to getting to know you better! Xo

JoAnna Williams said...

I feel the exact same way. In so many aspects of life. With my sisters, at church, at school, in the neighborhood with the other moms, at work, the list could go on. Great post! And I agree with Danifred, I think a lot of women feel this way.

Rebecca said...

Are we twins? People think I'm a bitch until they get to know me. They give me jobs b/c I can do them...not because they like me. I'm 35 (but dreading 36)...let's hang out! We'll be unpopular together!

*Jess* said...

As I tell my daughter all the time, its okay not to be "popular". You can have a lot of cherished close friends while never "fitting in" with the masses. And that's just fine!

Shell said...

I don't know how many times that I've heard that about people thinking that I'm a bitch until they get to know me. I'm a reserved person(stop laughing, I mean irl).

When I am with a group of people that I don't know well, I am not the first to jump in and I tend to hang back.

For me, blogging has been different because I have time to think about what I want to say and if I want to say anything at all. No one knows about the awkward pauses in blogland.

Also, on blogs(in general at least), talking to strangers is encouraged. So is being incredibly personal. Where if you do those things in real life, the results aren't always the best. At least not for me.

Aunt Crazy said...

I'm here from Shell's place. I could have written this post about myself. I feel the emotion in every word. At 36, I think I've realized that I just don't need a lot of friends, what I need is a few GREAT friends.

Bella @ If This is Motherhood said...

Me either. And I certainly haven't yet "broken into" the land of blogging. I blog for me, but I do like knowing someones reading. I admit that I do want to be a more popular blogger though.

Tezzie said...

I understand how you're feeling; most of my life I've felt the same, and been told similar things. If it's any consolation, I think you're awesome. And, in my opinion, I'd rather have the friendship and respect of a select few, than be 'popular' with people who don't know the 'real' me and who only see me for someone they think I am. Also, isn't it a GOOD thing to be chosen to do a job based on people's confidence in your abilities?!...how is that not being popular? :D

L. Merical said...

oh momma bird, I love you and miss you so much. You were the only one who was there for me when I first started work, and you were one of the only people who was truly happy for me when I set out on my adventure. You are an amazing person and I am happy to know that you'll always be there for me no matter what (and vice versa). You are loved!

For the Love of Naps - Sarah said...

I could have written this post too! And like Danifred said, it is sad that so many women feel this way. Why is it that our husbands don't seem to internalize some of this. They just seem to go about life.

I enjoy reading your blog and have just dropped out of comment land for a while. Hoping to resume! Hope you have had a wonderful holiday! Love all the baking pictures up above.