It's been a long time since I wrote a truly personal post, which was the original reason for starting this blog. As the year ends and I begin to reflect back over the last year I thought it would be a good time to type out some of these thoughts.
I'm not popular and I never have been.
Throughout life people have used the same series of words to describe me...and usually serious, up front, and tells it like it is, come up in the conversation. I have had countless woman say to me, "I thought you were a bitch when I met you, but now that I've gotten to know you, you are great!..."
I was never in the "cool crowd" in high school. Don't get me wrong, I had great friends that meant a lot to me and I will never forget them. But you know, that traditional cool crowd...that just wasn't me.
In college I was accepted into one of the most "popular" sororities on campus, but I never felt like I truly fit in. Out of 120+ members I am still now close friends with only 2 other sisters. I was elected President, not because I was popular but because everyone believed I could be objective and do a good job. Unfortunately, an unexpected drop in GPA, prevented me from taking office and it was given to the runner up. I was devastated.
Now at work, I've been there so long and seen so many wonderful people come and go that I guess I no longer make attempts to befriend new employees. I feel out of the loop there just as I always have.
I don't know why it bothers me, but it does. I am a real person, with real feelings. I am the first to sing the praises for someone else or give them credit for a great idea. I keep secrets. I am a confidant.
I'm not popular in blog land either, not that it's important. I blog for me, just like I live my life for me. I always feel just slightly inferior and have my entire life. Never quite good enough, always 2nd best. Just because I'm 35 doesn't mean that I have it all figured out. I've come to the realization that I just may never have it "all figured out".
This is me...