Thursday, August 5, 2010

Change

I need a change.  A big change.  I am so tried of the same thing day in and day out I could scream. 

I'm back at work and I miss my baby boys so much.  I want to be there with Muffin because he needs me to set a good routine for him.  His appointment with the Developmental Ped is just a month away now and the waiting is killing me.  Puck needs me more now than I ever thought he would.  Something big is going on in that growing mind of his.  He is testing the limits, pushing the boundries, and trying to figure out who he is.

...and I'm missing it.

When I get home I'm so tired and I feel like I have 101 things to do.  They are tired and cranky too.  I get to spend 3 hours with them before they go to bed and sadly it's not what I would call, "Quality Time." 

Dinner feels rushed and messy.  Muffin doesn't want to eat, Puck is playing with his food.  Hubs and I can't carry on the simplest conversation.

I need to get my little busniess off the ground, it feels impossible.  Will I ever be able to stay home and take care of my boys the way they deserve?  This working-mom thing just gets harder and harder.  I never thought I wanted to be a stay at home mom.  I thought that my status at work or my income level was more important....but I just don't care about those things anymore. 

Change has to come eventually.

2 comments:

SmartBear said...

I can definitely empathize. I never wanted to be a stay at home mom either. I still don't. But, I don't want to be at work.... It feels like there is no middle ground.
Hope the self employed gig works out for you.
Best,
Tina

Danifred said...

I'm so sorry. I really am. I understand and can totally sympathize. Much love!