Thursday, April 22, 2010

The Up's and Down's of Motherhood

I yell too much. I know it. Some days I'm so frustrated because it feels like I am powerless to control the antics of Muffin and Puck. What's worse it's that they seem to feed off each other. Each escalating whatever situation is disrupting the day.

Why is it my boys that seem deaf to my warnings and words? Why is it always my boys that are running and jumping when others just sit there like little bumps on logs? Why whenever I'm out in public with both boys I feel like the eyes of society are looking at me and shaking their collective head.

I'm a good mom. I try to be. I try to teach them values. I try to get them to follow the rules. Some of the defiance has to be personality right? It couldn't be entirely my fault could it?

I feel like moms with what I view to be "easy" children look down on me like I'm not doing it as good as they are. When in truth I know they couldn't last one day in my shoes.

I love my boys. I wish that they would just mind me better. I know they don't know it but it hurts my feelings when they don't listen or when they talk back. It feels some days like they are walking all over me. It's exhausting. I'm trying to be tougher, without the yelling because I don't want to be known as "that mom".

Sometimes the pressure I feel from other moms for my boys to behave or act a certain way is just too much. I wish everyone could see how sweet and wonderful they really are when it's just me and my boys...


Rebecca said...

I don't know if this is possible b/c it's really not possible for some people, but is there any way you could stop caring about what people think?

My kids don't listen to me...okay, Matt doesn't (Hailey is currently my favorite child). Today we had a series of bad moments...tantrum coming into storytime (laying on the floor with his shirt up, tummy exposed, banging his legs on the floor), tantrum in storytime b/c librarian have the nerve to collect the bubbles, tantrum when I didn't bounce him high enough, playing on the library grass for 20 minutes while Mommy tried to bribe with snacks (had I known, I would have worn a t-shirt and worked on my tan), tantrum b/c I wouldn't let him walk in Home Depot, tantrum b/c we were getting back in the car to get home, tantrum once we pulled in the driveway because of the anticipation that I wasn't going to let him play outside. It was nuts.

I did not respond to the tantrums in storytime...I figured that I would let other parents see my *new* method of coping with a tantrum...ignorance. It worked. I don't know what they thought and I didn't look at their faces to figure it out. I also didn't care, but that's just me...I have never really cared that much. I only care about the people who mean a lot in my life...the others are insignificant.

Try to find that insignificance and know yourself as a are a good mother...your kids are good kids...they're also just that...KIDS!

God, could this comment be any longer? Guess I needed to vent about my day and hijacked your blog...delete me if you want...I'd understand!

Jenny said...

I am right there with you. I feel there are days when I am better at this mom gig than others...or I might raise my voice to get my point across.
I like what Rebecca said...they are kids and you know what they are going to have outbursts...that's what they do.
You seem like you are such a wonderful mother and your boys are super lucky to have you!

Jenn said...

Ugh, I hate that feeling, that other moms are judging you. As a mom of two little girls who you would probably label as "good" in public, I can definitely say that I do NOT look down or judge ANY mom in any situation. Because...though my girls may be "good" in public, they have their moments. Many, many moments. So I know - I know how it is to deal with two kids who are just out of control, or defiant, or just being kids! Any other person who has the gall to judge you for your kids being kids really should just mind their own beeswax.

For the Love of Naps - Sarah said...

I think when you become a mother you amazingly begin feeling judged for everything and anything you do or don't do. It is one of the hardest things to deal with...and it never gets any easier. In the beginning it is baby care choices (sleep, feeding, etc) but then it turns to who your children are becoming and the choices they are making as independent little beings...that we as mothers like to think we can control but when we step back realize that they have minds of their own and they are just figuring the world out.

It is natural to have low days where you feel like a failure or judged poorly. Try to remember the days when you are sailing high and feeling like the best mom on those days.

Without the low days you wouldn't recognize the great days. MOST likely anyone you feel is judging you is NOT - and the few that might probably aren't parents or are so unhappy in their own lives that all they have time for is judging.

Love those two spirited boys that are full of personality and life. Remember that this ride called motherhood is a journey. Relax. Take breaths. Pick your battles. Allow yourself a chance for fresh starts from day to day and hour to hour. You are a great mom - for many reasons but for pausing to worry about all that you wrote about just proves you care, you are doing the best you can, and your boys are LUCKY!

I pray this comes out correctly...I tend to miss a significant word when I leave comments like this and then it all comes out totally offensive..if that is the case - erase!

Tiffany said...

Your post sounds just like me and I'm glad I came over here to read it. The comments that the other ladies made definitely gave me hope. Being a mom is a hard job to do and I'm struggling with trying so hard. Some days it's so HARD and I don't have the answers and I feel like just like you, that I'm being judged for my kid's actions. But kids are kids and they're not perfect, they will just be kids. At the end of the day, the people that matter are those two little boys looking at you. Don't worry about what you might think those other mom's think.
You are a great mom!

Stepping On Cheerios said...

You ladies ROCK! Thanks for all the great advice and support:)

Momma Stuff said...

I haven't been a mom for as long as you, but I try and look for the compassion. I think as much as there are eyes judging us mom's, there are other women with looks of acknowledgment and compassion nearby too. I seek out those small nods and smiles and try and remember we all struggle sometimes. I don't know if that helps, but thought I would share. amber :)

Stef said...

I think that we are harder on ourselves than anyone else. We all fall a little short...shorter on some days than on others. But a good mom worries about it. I would rather be a mom with guilt than a mom who doesn't care! My motto is this: We all have bad days. ALL OF US! But as long as the love outweighs the bad days, our kids will more than likely forgive. At least that is what I am hoping. My oldest is 10, so I will let you know if my motto changes. Til then, good luck and keep up the good work!

Messy Mommy said...

I'm a yeller too. Hate it. But it can't be helped. :)

Kimberly said...

I was happy to read this post. I feel for what you're going through here, but it made me happy to know that I'm not the only one who feels like this! I have one boy, a baby girl and my niece all week while her parents work. My niece and my son are the same age. When they are together I swear, they are terrors. I feel sooooo judged when we go out. Especially when I get comments like, "Huh. You have your hands full, don't you?" Or,
"um, she just hit him..." (like I need an adult tattle tale on top of it all... ;) ) OR when they try to tell one of them to stop something - I know they are trying to help or something, but they are perfect strangers and it makes me CRAZY.
I want to be a better mom everyday. Everyday I say I will be better. And everyday we struggle, don't we. Don't worry. I'm not judging you. :)

Goldie said...

Just what I needed to hear. Love all the comments & advice.