Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Pour Your Heart Out - Working Mama's Struggles

It didn't take long for me to think of a topic to write for this Meme from Shell at Things I Can't Say.



Before I begin I would like to say that please don't judge my story. If you are in the same boat with me then come along for the ride. This is my story from my perspective.

I am a working mom. I worked full-time through both pregnancies, only taking 12 weeks of Maternity Leave each time. Heading back was painful and hard and I cried the whole way there. Luckily, I have a very generous Mother-In-Law who has lovingly taken care of the boys while my husband and I go to work.

There are many days when I am torn between two worlds: work vs. home. Unless you experience it for yourself then you can never understand what it is like. Life would be easier, surely if my only responsiblity was to my home and my children, but alas it is not.

I am tired of people who don't have children passing judgement on co-workers that do have someone other then themselves to take care of. I've actually had people tell me that it was my choice to have kids and it was my choice to live an hour away from work. To these people I feel like saying, "Well it's your choice to make work your life and it's your choice to give your life only to yourself."

I know what sacrifice is. I sacrifice everything for the sake, care, and well-being of little human beings that are going to grow up and hopefully be contributing members of society. Yes, I may leave on time and not pull overtime like you. I have to go home and clean, feed, and raise my kids. You have to go home and do nothing but whatever pleases you, which is by definition, only selfishness.

Don't judge. I work just as hard as you do and even harder when I get home. If you had any courage or priorites other then yourself you would understand this. Walk in my shoes before you judge me or any other working mom or dad out there!

19 comments:

For the Love of Naps - Sarah said...

You go girl!

I do think that it is an eye opener for people when they become parents and they didn't realize sick leave/family leave...daycare ...leaving and coming..and all that you mentioned before they had kids. It is something they won't understand until they have kids...although some get it because they have close friends or family that they see struggle with balancing/juggling it all.

You are also showing your children that mama can work and have a personal career too. And that is something important too. I worry that my boys sometimes think or get the attitude, "Oh, mom will just clean that up or make dinner etc."- and they are only 5 and 2. Daddy always speaks up when they say things like that which I am lucky. I worked and now stay home and it truly is a very hard place to be. I can't imagine going back now that I have only had to focus on my family...but boy do I miss working too.

Miss. Candy said...

This is such a great post! And it is something that I really take personal, when people judge working moms. Unless you are in our shoes, you really don't know what we give up and have to do to make it all work! My boss had his first baby this year and it has been interesting to see how he has changed now that he is in the shoes of the rest of us! Hang in there!!!

just me, dawn said...

sending you a hug for all that you do for your boys! as a manager i often needed to make dufferent allowances for parents....speaking now as a parent, i am glad i did,
i also feel very blessed to be free to stay home right now...but i will go back to the working mom world eventually :)

Shell said...

How dare they judge? You do your job! AND another one when you get home. You are a hard-working mama.

Thanks for linking up!

Messy Mommy said...

Why must this be such a controversial issue? It's too bad people can't just respect each other enough to keep their judgments to themselves!

Angie said...

It is amazing how people don't view having a family and raising children as a job... It is a super hard job that you have to do after you leave your "9-5" one.

Your work seriously never ends....

I've had 2 bosses in the past who didn't understand or were understanding of this and that is why they are IN THE PAST!

Danifred said...

Amen, sister! You know I totally feel this way as well! Hugs.

Kerri said...

I have a friend that I grew up with who's life is exactly the opposite of mine. She doesn't quite GET IT and makes comments to me all the time about being a Mom and a Stay At Home one at that.
Biting your tongue gets old.
Keep your head up! You don't need to explain yourself or your life or choices to anyone!!

Ellemes said...

I can TOTALLY relate and I totally agree!

Prairiemaid said...

I understand and I agree with you!

On the other hand, I can almost feel sorry for those who don't know or understand what being a mother is all about. You are right, they are selfish in so many ways. But one of these days when you are surrounded by your children and grandchildren, who will they be surrounded by?

The same selfish need to be the center of their own world, will also be the one big regret of their lives. Too little, too late.

Hugs!

Crazed Mama said...

Tell it sista! Drives me crazy! You are doing great mama!

The Pursuit of Mommyness said...

Hi lady! I am new to your blog, found you through TMC Network, and have to say, I love the name! I just got done participating in Shell's Pour Your Heart Out...love that idea. I am following you now!

http://thepursuitofmommyness.com/

Pepper said...

I feel for you and understand completely. I worked fulltime till my job decided to give me a letter with my check while I was on maternity leave to let me know I was coming back part time.

I always get these comments like well your a mom. I don't get invited to anything extra because I'm a mom. So I get the short end of the stick on both sides. I work so don't get to join mommy groups and just drop everything to go mommy socializing but at work I get penalized for being a mom.

I too am starting a new company and oping maybe someday work from home, so maybe I will have the best of both worlds. The income from a job yet the freedom to be part of the mommy world. And of course to spend lots of time with my boys.

Found you via TMC and def following you now. Hope to get to know you better!!

Michelle Leigh said...

Those people suck. Life is all about balance and if you are fortunate enough to "have" to balance work with having a family, then your life is more enriched. My husband works with people who only have work and they don't get how he can leave at 5 everyday. He is up there is status and it's almost unheard of for people to leave that early. WTF? That annoys me. Work isn't life. You work to afford your life. Family comes first, nuff said!

mrs. parker said...

anybody who judges others is ridiculous because no one has NO bones in their own closet. Supporting one another could make life such a happy , healthier place to exist for everyone!!

Lindsay said...

Amen to that! My heart goes out to you when I read this. I hate judgmental people who think that they know everything. Until you walk in that persons shoes you have no right to judge. I think you're a great mom and just wanted you to know that.

Kmama said...

oh wow. I understand. Did you read my Pour Your Heart out last week? It was about working, only that I was tired of being judged for working. Tired of people assuming that I wanted to stay home with my kids (I don't). Working really is a double-edged sword.

Sarah said...

I'll be honest... I totally was judgmental BEFORE I had kids. Now, survival of the fittest is my motto. Parents do what they need to do to get things done. And whatever anyone else says is pointless until they walk in your shoes and deal with your life.

Fishsticks and Fireflies said...

I consider myself very lucky for having been able to stay home with my kids from their births on (I worked for a period of time when Cooper was a baby, but he came to work with me, so I didn't have to worry about daycare or the like.) That being said, I know not everyone has that luxery or opportunity - and no one should be judged because of it! How inane for the people making those comments to suggest that you make a choice between having children or being a career woman for the rest of your life! Hubby currently works for a company that is not exactly family-oriented, and doesn't quite understand the concept of sick kids, school activities, or family time - infuriating!