Monday, March 1, 2010

I don't wanna work. I just want to bang on my drum all day.

I'm off on Mondays. So tomorrow is my first day back at work after the weekend. I like Monday's because I get to drive my kids to and from school. I always schedule doctors appointments and anything I can on these days. I get to play "Mommy" for a day. I hate feeling like a stranger when I go to their school but I find the moms sort of know each other and I'm on the sidelines. Isn't that so dumb? Obviously these woman know each other because they see each other everyday and I only appear once a week.

These facts never used to bother me. I prided myself on being a working mom. I thought my kids were better off learning how to be independent because I went to work and I wasn't there to coddle them every minute of every day. Before having kids I would have told you that I NEVER wanted to be a SAHM. Wrongly and admittedly, I looked down on those woman because I didn't know what it was like to have children.

That was then, this is now. I know what it's like now. I still work for the same company I did before I was married. I remember being the youngest on staff and working all the time. There are only 2 other moms in my small company with little kids. I have the youngest by a few years. Before Puck was born I held a very high position. When I returned after leave that position had been given away...I worked my way all the way up the company chart and now I have fallen all the way to the bottom. It's a very strange place to be. Now, I have a manager that didn't graduate from college. Well, I did and I can't help it but this bothers me.

I don't want to work there anymore. I have chosen my family over them and therefore feel like I am no longer valued as an employee. Just being there makes me feel like less of a human being.

I don't want to go. Just venting. Thanks for reading....

10 comments:

Ellemes said...

Before having Roo I would have said the exact same thing; that I couldn't imagine being a SAHM. Now I wish I was. I wish I could spend (mostly) every minute with her, even though I know that being a SAHM would not be easy.
Before I had her I was very involved in the school I was the head volleyball coach and went to every game and activity that my students were involved in. I was "the teacher who cared." Now I'm the "teacher that has a kid." It bothers me.
I know it's not the same as your situation, b/c other than the head coach job, I maintain the same position, but I wanted to say I understand.
I understand how having kids changes the way you think in a way you could have never imagined it would.
And I understand not wanting to work - Just about every night I consider playing hooky. After all, Roo is too little to tell on me. :) Hmm...I think I hear her coughing now, better go check for a fever ;)

Daisygirl said...

Oh that is a horrible feeling when you have to choose work over your family. My husband works hard so I can finish school and stay home with my kiddoz...I know someday I will work outside the home again but it will be for myself...I will be the boss!

Shell said...

How incredibly frustrating. Are you going to try to find another place to work? Or just venting?

And btw- I take my boys to school every day and still feel like an outsider with the other moms.

The Wifey said...

So crazy you bring up the looking down on being a SAHM once. I did too. And to this day sometimes, even -as-, a SAHM I still feel like I need to be getting a job or something. *sigh*

Danifred said...

Going to a job that you hate is The. Worst.
I hope you find a place that makes you happy and allows you to strike the perfect balance between all the things that you love the most!

Rebecca said...

That's hard...I hope your photography takes off like crazy so you can have the life you're envisioning. It's so hard when life doesn't match up with what we want, huh? Try not to punch anyone in the face (i.e. other moms or less educated manager)!

Michelle Leigh said...

You poor thing. That is terrible how they demoted you for having a child. Is that even legal? Just hang in there, your photog business will take off and you can walk.

Tezzie said...

Aren't there laws against having your job given away when you've got to take time off to have a family??! I know there are here in Finland, at least...boy would that make me FUMING mad!!!

Like Michelle said, your photography business is sure to be a success...then you can go tell them where they can 'stick it' ;D

L. Merical said...

Don't worry babe, I know you'll be great at your own business, and I'm here to champion you all the way. One day we'll look back and laugh. Or cry. Or both. Chin up, I'll always be there for you <3

Messy Mommy said...

I felt the same way before I was a mom. My parents worked when I was growing up and I never felt less love or that I spent more time at the sitter's. I'm currently staying home now and enjoying it, but I really do miss the work world to. Hope you find the answers you're looking for!