Monday, January 11, 2010

Sans Words


Everyone knows that words can hurt. It can be the tone of the words, the volume, the words themselves, the emotion behind them, the timing of such words given a particular situation, maybe even who uses the words. What's worse, for me than harsh words, is the lack of words.

There is more than one person in my life that has simply chosen silence...no words. No words to me equals no feelings, no remorse, no concern for those they have shut out. To not speak means to not care..at least that's all I can afford to believe, otherwise wouldn't they have something to say to me? Silence doesn't offer either side a chance to apologize for past wrongs or misunderstandings, silence is lonely, silence is cold, and silence in cruel.

Why do people choose silence? Is it always their intent to hurt or is it that they themselves are hurting? I can only initiate communication from my end for so long. It's exhausting and draining and every time my efforts go ignored I just end up feeling more hurt. When do you know it's o.k. to give up, when do you know you've said all you can say? When do you move on?

5 comments:

Theta Mom said...

I think the only way to have real closure on that situation is being able to fully express ALL that you feel..and if you don't get a response, not sure there's much more you can do...that's tough...

Mom of the Perpetually Grounded said...

I don't know what type of situation you are writing about but I know of someone who chose silence because what they would say in anger could not be taken back. Over time there was healing and a future encounter led to things being set aside & not discussed, they just moved forward. Also if a person cannot bring themselves to forgive, perhaps they do not want to perpetuate pain. That doesn't make it any easier unfortunately.

Danifred said...

I think it's okay to give up when, in your heart, you know you've done all that you can do and left the door open for communication.

Fishsticks and Fireflies said...

So very, very true. I have never believed that 'Silence Is Golden', and think that the words which are NOT spoken, speek louder than anything that is actually said. I used to be big on saying everything that I thought needed to be said, but in recent years, have stopped. Not surprisingly, I have found that people take my silence as an invitation to talk more - in every way possible.

Hyphen Mama said...

Depending what your situation is, would it be beneficial for you to write this person a letter? I guess if you're looking for explanations from that person, a letter from you wouldn't help at all... but if you're looking to clear the air from your side, a letter might be appropriate. And it might give you a bit of closure.