Monday, November 30, 2009

Bad Photo

Ok, in case you didn't know, I am a professional photographer. I have been photographing children for 10 years, long before I was married and had children of my own. It's tradition in my house to take the boys pictures myself. I just couldn't stand hanging a photo on the wall that I didn't take, although I do buy their school photos:) This year I wanted to get a nice photo of them together, all moms can relate, pro or not. I have to say I was sweating and there was yelling, and yes crying. I never did get a usable shot but when I was going through the photos tonight and saw this I had to laugh out loud. I did actually get a fantastic shot of my 5 year old...but I just want you all to laugh at the sad pair...I really am a pro, I swear!

Saturday, November 28, 2009

My Littlest Man

This is my littlest man, Cade. He has a personality all his own. He is headstrong, stubborn, tough, intense, relentless and rambunctious. He is sweet, loving, gentle, and sensitive. He is my baby. He is nothing like my 1st born whom I thought was a tough little boy to raise, Blake was a biter if that says anything. Cade just likes to bite me! I can't put into words how much I love this little boy. He is a major reason for my exhaustion, but I love him. I love that in the morning when I sit at my little kitchen desk reading blogs and Facebook he is sitting in my lap with his big head of curly hair in my way so that I have to peer around him to see the screen. I love to hear him say, "Mommy." Someday I know he'll be grown and won't want anything to do with me but until then...I'll get to take lots of photos like this!

Friday, November 27, 2009

Friday Night Leftovers

I'm participating in Friday Night Leftovers courtesy of Starbucks Are Not For Sippy Cups.

  • I don't really like Turkey that much, it's the Sweet Potato Casserole with Pecans and Marshmellows that get the most square footage on my Thanksgiving plate.
  • Wishes my house could stay clean (meaning no toys, bags, jackets, shoes, etc. all over the place) for just one day.
  • Did manage to order my Christmas cards today, using a photo from summer so maybe that's cheating but I think it looks cute.
  • Wishes it was easier to make lasting, meaningful friendships with woman as an doesn't seem woman like to trust each other very much.
  • Needs to get crackin' on the whole potty training thing with Cade, it's me that's been lazy...see adorable new photo on the left sidebar!
  • Continues to be astonished that even as a 30-something year old I'm still trying to figure out who I am.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving

Alright so I am really trying to get into the holiday spirit here, hence the new blog design. (Also super impressed with myself for achieving 3 columns) I am really looking forward to our Thanksgiving gathering tomorrow with my dad, his wife, and her huge Italian family. It's always so much fun! Tons of food, lots of booze, and lots of other people who love and want to entertain my children for me! Yeah:) I'm not ready to hear the Christmas tunes yet but I did pick up a new ornament for our tree tonight...and no that does not mean we will be putting up our tree this weekend, at least if I have anything to say about it. My husband suggested getting a fake-pre-lite tree this year. At first I was like, "Noooooooooooooooo!" However, the more I think about it how wonderful would it be to not have to put the lights on this year and how great would it be not to have to crawl under it every night to fill that technically dead frazier fir up with water??? Hmmm, tempting for sure, but where the hell would I keep it?

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Bah Humbug

I wish I could just skip this Christmas. I have had a sour taste in my mouth about it ever since I noticed the wreaths on the light poles at the local shopping center....I'm sorry but I think it's RIDICULOUS that I have to see Christmas trees while I'm looking for Halloween Costumes. I hate that the commercials for toys and clothes and jewelry and phones, etc, etc, etc just goes on and on and on. Two weeks ago the first Christmas lights went up in my neighborhood and it makes my stomach turn. It just seems like more trouble then it's worth. Except, I have children! So of course I want it to be fun for them and I wouldn't miss the Santa at the mall photo with at least one screaming toddler to save my life, but otherwise I'm hating it. I hate that the gifts get more and more expensive, I hate that toy manufacturers make parents go crazy trying to get hard to find hot toys that they "unfortuaneatly" in short supply. I hate that you have to get up at 5:00am and wait outside in a freezing cold long ass line for the Santa Train tickets...damnit...when do those go on sale this year??? I hate that some people think an I-Pod Touch would be an appropriate gift for a 6 year old and I hate that my husband always hates the gifts I give him and returns them. I have only returned one gift in my whole life. It was an unfortunate K-Mart sweatshirt given to me my aunt, it was hidieous so I had no choice being that I was a snotty tween. Be that as it may I don't really feel like people in general should return gifts. Isn't the fact that someone gave you something you wouldn't have had otherwise kind of the point of gift giving??? I don't think we should be trading up our gifts for something better, it just seems so wrong to me. If you don't like the item then donate it to someone who didn't get anything for Christmas, one gift doesn't entitle you to a better one or one that goes better with your hair color. I don't care if I get anything this year, except well, there was this watch I've had my eye on...

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night...

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Friday Night Leftovers

I'm participating in Friday Night Leftovers courtesy of Starbucks Are Not For Sippy Cups.

  • After peeing in a cup at the Dr.'s office, Blake looks up at me and asks, "Is someone going to drink that?"
  • Cade is almost three and appears to have verbal skills not up to par. I have made him an appointment to be screened by the county. I know it's the best thing to do yet it causes my great anxiety.
  • I am NOT in the Christmas spirit. I don't want to see lights or hear jingle bells. I can only handle one holiday at a time!
  • I've gained 15 pounds and still can't motivate myself to get on the treadmill...hmmmp.
  • Just this minute found a lollipop stuck to the back of my pants, yeah really...
  • I love my laptop and I am enjoying reading all of these great blogs, thanks girls!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Dreaded Doctors Office, Mom goes Ape!

Yea, I did it...I went ape sh*t on the receptionist behind the desk today at my ped's office. The word is PISSED! I have a habit of allowing people to walk all over me...I am the nice one that is out to please everyone but myself. I am patient and understanding and I would almost never call you out on any kind of injustice...almost never.

I left work early today so that I could drive all the way home to pick up my sons so that my youngest could get his H1N1 vaccine at 2:15pm. The kicker, I couldn't get two appointments together so I had a 2:15 for an H1N1 Vaccine and a 4:15 for another H1N1 Vaccine and a 5 Year Old Well Check. Ok fine...I'll take what I can get. I'm calm, I'm positive, I arrive a good 10 minutes prior to my appointment because I believe in being polite and being on time. Early is on time, On time is late, and late is unacceptable. The boys do ok at first not stirring up too much trouble early on and actually playing nice with another pair of brothers. It doesn't take long though before they start flicking the lights on and off and opening the door that leads to the exam rooms, open, slam, open, get the point. It's pointless for me to even try to stop this behavior because my constant threats just make me look like a worse mom who has lost every ounce of control. None of the other kids seem to be pushing the boundries that my boys are, what gives? I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong. After 45 minutes of this I finally put my hands on the counter and glare at the receptionist who is probably all to aware why there is a sheet of plexiglass between us. I say, "My apointement was for 2:15, am I going to be called back soon? I had to leave work early for this, if you were running this far behind I would not have minded coming later. These boys are going nuts out here." This poor woman stood up and literally bolted from her desk...oops, I felt bad but vindicated all at the same time...After she left I actually said quite loudly, "It's as if you don't have any respect for peoples time!!!"

Yep, I said it and we got called back 5 minutes later.

If it ended there the story would be pretty good, but it doesn't end there. Remember, I had to go back with my 5 year old at 4:15. We killed time at Wal-Mart. We arrive back at the Ped's office at 4:05 a healthy 10 minutes early. I should know better, we don't get called back until 4:45. We are in the room with the nurse and I mention Dr. K will be in soon and the nurse looks at me and says, "They didn't tell you upfront?" Tell me what? Oh, there is a last minute change and so you'll be seeing seeing Dr. I don't give a "F" what his name is where is my beloved Dr. K! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I hate you people!!!!!!!!! I have no idea what time we finally left but it was dark. Mt big guy got 4 shots and I had to help hold him down and the nurses just kept remarking how strong he was, I felt like saying, "No shit!" My poor guy cried all the way home.

My husband has a jumbo size bottle of Merlot waiting for me when I get home...thanks babe!
I think I'll be looking for a new Ped. My guy is accepting a VP job with the hospital. Good for him, sad for us.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Brokenhearted Mommy

I only spent 45 minutes with my children today. I saw them this morning briefly and then after work I was only home for 45 minutes before heading off to the Yoga Studio. The little one had the most sad look on his face. He is attached to me so much so that most of the time I feel like he would get back in if he could. Leaving him is torturous for us both. However, this intense need for me, the Mama, means that when I am home I get tons of "ups" and cuddle time. When I got home today he was waking up from his nap. I enter his room and he looks up at me and immediately wants to be picked up. I'm thinking as I'm carrying him down the stairs with his arms around my neck and his head on my shoulder, how nice this feels. I'm also thinking that it is those moments when I know that this is where I am supposed to be. I'm looking forward to tomorrow when I should get a whole 3-1/2 hours with them, hmm... still doesn't seem like enough does it? Sigh...

My husband took this video while I was gone...clearly my heart breaks to see this:(

Monday, November 16, 2009


Some of you know that I am a photographer. I have been working as a preschool photographer for a decade, yes really. I have finally decided to start a business of my own concentrating mostly on children's portraits. I am so excited about the launch of my new website, which happened just a few hours ago. I am also proud that I did it all by myself without the help of my incredibly technologically gifted husband who was very impressed when I started talking about DNS Servers and CNames. Anyway, I hope you will take a look at my site.

Sunday, November 15, 2009


A great day. Blake enjoyed his birthday party and so did I! I loved seeing him play with all of his school friends that I've never met before, it's evidence that they have their own lives outside of us already. I enjoyed every smile I saw on his face which made it all worth it, even the price tag! I still can't believe 5 whole years have passed by already...amazing.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Hurt Feelings

There isn't much that hurts me worse as a mom then to see my son experience hurt feelings. He spent an evening with this sad look on his face and ended up having an hour long crying jag at bedtime that just about broke my heart. At playtime today with his neighborhood friends he experienced what it was like to never be picked. It was a game of school. The other 2 kids kept sharing the roll of teacher back and forth and never picking Blake to play the teacher roll. My Blake got frustrated at some point and pushed one of the kids and made them cry. Here's the thing...out of all the children I know my son is one of the most physical, most boisterous, most outgoing...but he is also the most sensitive as well. My Blake get's his feelings hurt way to easily and notices the way other kids treat him at an all to early age to be concerned about what others think of you. No one sees this emotionally fragile side of my baby, they just see his reaction of course. All he wants is to be included, to be wanted, to be friends...hmm, isn't that what we all want.

I try to teach him to always come to mom if he needs help, if he thinks he is being treated unfairly. Tonight as he lay in my arms crying (on the eve of his 5th Birthday Party) I tried to explain that we all have bad days and it's ok to feel sad. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Q-Tip Cutie

So yesterday morning I have to get ready for work with both little ones under foot. As I'm dressing, brushing my teeth, fixing my hair, etc...I have to continuously yell, stop, quit it, turn the lights back on, let me back in the bathroom! Knock, knock, knock...let me back in, I need to finish getting ready. Door open, door slam, yelling, door open, door slam, repeat...Maybe it would be worth it to get up earlier but I'm not sure, I really do need the sleep.

Anyway, to the Q-Tips. Blake see's me using the Q-Tips on my ears and starts asking questions. Naturally, I guide him over to the vanity so I can clean his ears with the Q-Tips. Of course while I'm doing this, in my head I am calculating what a stupid idea it was for me to point out how to stick something in ones ear, especially a 5 year olds ear. So in perfect mommy fashion I warn him of the dangers of the Q-Tip and that only mommy can stick anything in his ears, otherwise he could break his ear and wouldn't be able to hear. He says, "What?" I repeat my warning...he says, "What? I can't hear you?" I look at him and he says, "Ah I'm just kidding, my ears are fine mommy!" He walks out of the bathroom smiling and I'm left there alone laughing incredulously holding a Q-Tip!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Sticks & Stones

What was it my mother used to tell me..."Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me?" Really? I'm not so sure that old saying is so true. I happen to love words. I love how they are shaped: round, curvy, straight, sharp...and I love that when you put them together they form words that can make you happy, sad, mad, glad, frustrated, excited, confused, and every other emotion you can think of. Words can show fear, loss, sadness, anxiety. Words can also show, joy, elation, hope, and love...

I love words. I love that however I am feeling I am able to write it down and get it out of my body. My entire life this reputation has followed me that "I" am always the one who speaks up, that "I" don't take crap from anyone, that "I" always tell people how it is...meaning I am tough. I'm not tough, not in the way that people think. I fear confrontation. When confronted with an uncomfortable situation...I avoid...I find myself unable to speak my true feelings. If someone would just hand me a pen however I could write until the sun goes down.

Not everyone loves words...words are all I have to keep me sane. So write when you are sad, write when you are lost, write when you are happy. When you can't speak, write.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Mom's New Job

I work full time. For the past 10 years I have worked as a school photographer, specializing in preschool age children. I did this job before I was married and before I had children. A friend asked me recently when I was complaining about not having any skills, what I thought my skills were. I can't list software programs or certificates that I've earned. I do have a BA in International Studies...a lot of good that's done me. It's hard to list my skills on paper but I have the ability to warm up a scared 3 year old and get them to trust me enough to sit in my little chair so I can take their portrait. The children are not afraid of me and they let me wipe their noses and comb their hair and take their lovey's out of their hands so that I can take their portrait so mom and dad will have something to put in the Christmas Card. Just when I was at my lowest point confidence wise, this week something happened...every contact I met this week told me that I was so good with the kids, that I had such a way with the little ones, that this was the easiest picture day they can remember. So that's something, right? I like pushing the shutter...I am pulling together all the confidence I have to start my own business and for real this time. Wish me luck because if I'm successful I can spend more time with my boys. You can check out some of my work:

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

5 Years Old

By the time I post this blog entry my 1st born will be officially 5 years old. I think he had a great day but between work and school I really only got to spend a few hours with him but I think we made the best of it. Wishes made and presents opened. I wish I could say happily ever after except there was one small snafu. The birthday boys little brother was distraught over the fact that he didn't also have a new Garbage Truck to play with. Since he is living the terrible two's and you should understand there is NO reasoning with this age group. I had to run out with a screaming 2 year old to pick up a 2nd and IDENTICAL garbage truck!!!! Peace returned to the house and even though it may appear that I was giving in to the selfish cries of a two year old I am choosing to look at it as a favor to the birthday boy so he could play and enjoy his gift in peace...Happy Birthday Buddy, I love you.


I can't wait to get home to my birthday boy! Just picked up a big Spongebob balloon to brighten his evening:). I bet he can't wait to blow out his candles tonight:)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

5th Birthday Eve

5 Years ago tomorrow I gave birth to my first son. It was a long pregnancy but luckily healthy and uncomplicated. We moved into a new home 30 days before he was born. I had to sit on the front porch in a rocking chair and direct the movers on where each item should go. I tipped the scales at almost 200 lbs the week before he was born! Yes, I was huge. I worked up until my due date and then began my maternity leave. 7 days later I still hadn't gone into labor so I was scheduled for an induction. I was in labor for 14 hours and never made much progress. After laboring that long, when the doctor recommended a C-Section I was ready to meet my son. I cried and was fearful but it didn't take long after that. The first thing I heard when they pulled him out were gasps at how big he was, that and how he didn't look anything like me. They held him up over the blue sheet and I was shocked at how big he looked! I was like, "That was inside me?" They shouted out a few minutes later, 9 lbs, 7 oz! Whoa, that explained a lot. He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

So tonight on the eve of his 5th Birthday I am baking cupcakes for him while he sleeps. I have to work tomorrow and his dad is out of town but I wanted him to know that it's his very special day. We have a big party scheduled for him in another week with all his friends and classmates and he is so excited about that!

Being a mom had changed my whole life and in so many different ways. I am still me but an entirely different person all at the same time. Being a mom is exciting, challenging, humbling, humiliating, exhausting, full-filling, all the good and all the bad all wrapped up together. I love both my sons and live for them.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Love & Kisses

This is a big week. We're just coming off our sugar high from Halloween and we had to drop off my husband at the airport this morning for a business trip to Boston. The boys were champs at getting up early...getting Cade dressed though was like a battle to the death. He likes to keep those P.J.'s on for as long as possible. You would have thought putting a pair of jeans on this kid at 6:30AM was a Mission Impossible! Anyway, I won of coarse! There was no traffic so we were home with 30 minutes to spare before school. No traffic I guess because everyone has the Swine Flu...

Wednesday is Blake's 5th Birthday! I can hardly believe it. I'll never forget the first moment I saw him...he was such a big baby I think I was shocked at how big he looked, 9lbs, 10oz. I was huge too! So tomorrow night I'll be making birthday cupcakes for my big guy. We have planned a big party for him but it's not until the 15th so I can't let the real day go un-celebrated:)

I always thought I would have girls, but boys it was. I love my boys so much. They keep me going though thick and thin. My youngest Cade has started talking so much lately. He is such a great kid. I took this video of him giving kisses....I love getting kisses from my babies:)