Sunday, October 18, 2009

Can't Sleep.

I can't sleep...which is crazy since the boys and I have been sick all weekend. Now is the perfect time to sleep...except I can't. I was thinking about my mom. We haven't spoken in almost a year now. I don't feel like going into all the nitty gritty details right now, but I'm thinking about my sleeping babes down the hall and I can't imagine a day going by without speaking to them but I haven't spoken to my own mother since last December. Recently, there was a picture of my 4 year old as an infant and my mom on the computer...curious, I asked my son, Blake, "Do you know who that it?", and he said, "No, who is it?".

I feel sorry for people who harbor negative feelings towards others. I feel sorry for people who can't forgive and learn to let things go. I have these 2 beautiful boys here and they have no idea who my mother is. They haven't done anything to deserve this and I fully believe that she could only gain joy from having them in her life, no matter what she feels or thinks about me.

I miss my mom and I hope she misses me. Last December I gave her an open invitation to visit my home and my boys...and I've never heard one word from her since then. The absence of my mom affects me more than I let on. There are many days as a woman, as a mom, as a wife, that I need her advice and experience to help me through. Instead I have to figure it out on my own. What I wouldn't give for a close relationship with my mother...oh how I miss her so and feel the void of her in every aspect of my life.

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